Posts Tagged ‘random’



Well it’s finally here. After two and a half months in the making, it is ready. Unlucky Artist: Volume 1 is available free to download.

If it wasn’t for the followers on WordPress, I wouldn’t have got the success I have now or even be able to put this sort of project together, so I thank you. Please go to the ISSUU website and give it a good rating if you like it. I also recommend that you download it. It’s quite lengthy and it means you can keep coming back to it. We had last minute problems with the cover so it is a bit plain but really it is about the content.

Spread this far and wide and hopefully we can reach the target number of hits/likes/downloads to do some real damage. The link is below along with the link for the Tumblr site, where it can also be found.

Thank you.

ISSUU – Unlucky Artist: Volume 1

TumblrUnlucky Artist: Volume 1



Unlucky Artist: Volume 1 officially goes live at 12am UK time!

the countdown begins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



The launch of the free e-book ‘Unlucky Artist: Volume 1’ will be available three weeks today! To celebrate, here is another sneak preview.

Enjoy!  ——————> UNLUCKYARTIST



It’s been a while since I gave you all a update so I have decided to give you a little sneak preview of the e-book that will be released next month.

Here is the link to the exclusive preview!  -> UnlcukyArtist


We tried Tumblr before and massively failed at it. So we are trying again. If you have Tumblr, follow this page. It will give new information about Unlucky Artist: Volume 1 and a few previews here and there.

Other exciting developments today that could involve animation. Won’t say too much because it’s brand new but it’s something to leave you pondering


Well you have all be waiting very patiently and I think I’m ready to explain. I have been very busy since last Christmas sorting out this and that for different projects. I was originally scheduled to write a pilot for a production company and it was going to be shown on British television. This was axed due to different issues, mainly on the part of the production company. I went back to the drawing board and knocked a few ideas around, until I decided to return to the blog world and give something back to the fans that got me this far. So to you, I give you…….

UNLUCKY ARTIST: Volume 1 is a collection of scripts and comedy plans that were meant to be shown on TV. Instead I will be releasing them online as a e-book, for free. It will include a new spin on the Imonthebandwagon blog as well as brand new stuff. You won’t have seen anything like this before. It’s the comedy writers equivalent of a mix-tape and I will be putting it online on 24. 10. 12.

I know it seems a long way off but there are still things to sort out and I need to make sure it is as good as it can be before it goes out. There will be sneak previews here and there and I will keep everyone updated on any news. I will send out updates through Twitter, Facebook and There will be a Tumblr page set up that will be exclusive from imonthebandwagon and will give details about the project.

It MAY signal the end of the Imonthebandwagon concept, I don’t know what the future holds for that. But it will give birth to new comedy that you just won’t find anywhere else.

Go nuts, Reblog, Retweet and Facebook it. UNLUCKY ARTIST: Volume 1 is coming

There will be an announcement this time tomorrow. All we be explained. BIG NEWS

Spread it. Facebook, Re-blog it, Retweet it, tell everyone to get their eyes here tomorrow at this time. ALL will be explained

RYAN: What’s this for again?

JOWETT: Just a catch up

MIKE: Why does it need to be recorded?

JOWETT: I was going to put it on the blog. I’ve researched stuff to talk about


JOWETT: Sorry?

MIKE: Can we just have a normal chat without it being recorded? We have been getting on well lately. This is going to ruin it

JOWETT: (Tut’s) These conversations have never made you fall out!

RYAN: They have actually


RYAN: Apparently I said something about Mike that upset him. A few days later we were in the studio and Mike had to take me to one side and warn me about it

JOWETT: (Laughs) He took you to one side?

MIKE: YES! There was no one else in the room, that’s how upset I was about it!

JOWETT: Okay I will try and set any of you up for ridicule. On a different matter, I have done some research on Mike’s family tree

MIKE:….Great start

JOWETT: Problem?

MIKE: Well you have obviously done this to make a fool out of me and my past

JOWETT: I promise you, I haven’t

MIKE: What have you found then?

JOWETT: You never told us your grandfather used to be a hairdresser?

Ryan sniggers


RYAN: Sorry

MIKE: Yeah it’s true, so what? Nothing wrong with that

JOWETT: Nope. And your great uncle was a dancer?

MIKE: Err yeah, that’s true

JOWETT: Your great grandfather…..was a florist

Ryan laughs

MIKE: Tell him, Jowett! My family was hard!

JOWETT: (Laughing) Stop it, Ryan

RYAN: Oh come on! Your family tree is full of effeminate jobs!

MIKE: It’s not!

RYAN: Is George Michael your dad?

MIKE: RIGHT! Jowett, keep going until you find something good

JOWETT: Your great grandfather was a deserter in the war

RYAN: Priceless

MIKE: I said good, Jowett!

JOWETT: Your Great great Aunt was married to a miner

MIKE: HA! GUTTED! My family isn’t full of girly men, because you have to be tough to be a miner

JOWETT: Sorry, I meant to say your great aunt was married to a minor. The boy was 12 when they started their relationship


MIKE: I don’t want to know anymore

JOWETT: Luckily, neither do I

MIKE: I don’t understand it. This is why my ancestry was kept from me. I was hoping these was at least some sort of hardcore army officer!

RYAN: It comes to something when your hoping one of your ancestors was a Nazi so your not a laughing stock



JOEL: I have a new pet

JOWETT: I heard! Is this because of the advance you all got?

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: What is it?

JOEL: Snake

JOWETT: Really? How much?

JOEL: 300 quid

JOWETT: That’s not that bad. What’s it’s name?

JOEL: Chris Brown


JOWETT:…….Your snake is called Chris Brown?

JOEL: Why?

JOEL: Dunno. The place I bought it from named it that

JOWETT: And you didn’t think to ask why?

JOEL: They said they would give it to me for 300 if I didn’t ask

JOWETT:………..Okay, probably best

MIKE: I bet I can hazard a guess why it’s called that

JOWETT: Mmm I don’t think you can (Taps the tape recorder)

MIKE: (Tut’s) Fine. But the money he has spent on treatment for Chris Brown, is ridiculous


MIKE: He took it to a posh vet’s and they must of seen Joel coming a mile off (Mocking voice) “I’m afraid Chris Brown has got Alzheimer’s”


MIKE: So he forked out for treatment, like an idiot

JOWETT: I see. Why didn’t you take it to a normal vet?

JOEL: Because my closest vet has a reputation for touching animals inappropriatly

JOWETT: That’s not true!

JOEL: It is

JOWETT: What vet is this?

JOEL: ********* Vet’s

JOWETT: Now you have just said their name on tape

JOEL: Well it’s true!

JOWETT: It’s not, Joel

JOEL: ……..It’s true I heard it


JOWETT: Mmm well, see you in court mate!

JOEL: Whatever

JOWETT: So all this has cost you a lot of money then?

JOEL: Yeah

MIKE: And trying to find female mice in bulk for Chris Brown is expensive, ay Joel




After the success of the last ‘Jowett’s post’ I have decided to do more of them. This on will be focusing on life after the cameras stopped rolling on some of the worlds most popular films. What happened next to in the world of these amazing characters? Well, I’ll tell you….

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The Story

Well you know the story. An eccentric man, Willy Wonker, that owns a spectacular, world renowned chocolate factory and let’s a select group of people inside to take a tour. By the end of the tour, the group has been whittled down to just one 10 year old boy named Charlie and his grandfather. As he was the last child standing he was given the opportunity to help run the chocolate factory along side Mr Wonker, he accepted and they lived happily ever after…

What Happened Next?

Well it turned out Mr Wonker wasn’t a well man. His decision to let a group of random children enter his top secret factory was fulled by a heavy dose of prescription drugs. The period was known by insiders as ‘Will’s mad month’ where he would make knee jerk decisions like sacking an Oompa-Loompa for looking at him “The wrong way”. Anyway, after he made the offer to Charlie, his medication fulled rampage wore off a day later. He couldn’t remember a thing, feared the worst and set up a meeting with his lawyers

WILLY WONKER: I’m sacred I might have done something bad again

LAWYER: I’m afraid you have Mr Wonker

WILLY WONKER: Go on, give it to me straight……

LAWYER: Well would you like the good news or the bad news?

WILLY WONKER: Bad news…..

LAWYER: You have signed over half your equity to a 10 year old boy..

WILLY WONKER: Oh your joking?

LAWYER: The good news is he will be half culpable for the deaths of the 4 children that took place whilst on the factory property

WILLY WONKER:……Shithouse

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the king

The Story

The ring has been destroyed, order has been restored and the crusaders have been celebrated for their efforts

What Happened Next?

After A weeks worth of long drunken parties that go into the early hours of the morning with the rest of the crusaders, Merry and Pippin get back to the shire. Shortly after Merry get’s a visit from the police. An female elf has filed a complaint of sexual assault against Merry. Merry obviously denied the accusations but the Police have  to come and question both Merry and Pippin on their whereabouts on the nights of the assault. After giving statements, it was apparent that both Merry and Pippin where in the same place as the Elf. After going over their recollection of the night, Merry started to become worne down and aggitated…

OFIFICER: Once more, I want to hear what happened again at the post ring destruction party

MERRY: (Desperate) I’ve already told you what happened!

OFFICER: I want to hear it again. And see if it matches my notes

MERRY: I spent most of the night just in the corner of the room, I’ve told you!

OFFICER: Well what were you doing in the corner at 1.30am?

MERRY: I dunno, just demolishing another thirst quencher, probably

PIPPIN: ‘Thirst Quencher’ is Merry’s slang for Elf (Laughs)

Merry and Pippin share a laugh followed by an awkward pause

MERRY: He’s joking….

OFFICER: Merry Brandybuck, I’m arresting you on suspicion…….

Pippin was cleared on all counts of sexual assault and it was put to bed. Shortly after Frodo returned he realised the last time he saw his wallet was in Mordor. His reaction could be heard across The Shire

Rise of the planet of the apes

The Story

Dr William Rodman has accidentally created a virus that enhances intelligence in apes. This had led them to break out of captivity and rampage across the world

What Happened next?

After secretly being smug at his backfiring virus, he seeks legal advice on his involvement in the end of mankind….

LAWYER: How can I help you Mr Rodman?

WILL RODMAN: Errr I may have done something bad. And It could get worse

LAWYER: Okay, what have you done?

WILL RODMAN: Well, you see that Gorilla out there, smashing up that Mazda?

LAWYER: …..Woah

WILL RODMAN: Yeah. I did that


WILL RODMAN: I’m in trouble, aren’t I?


A human corpse comes through the window


It didn’t make any difference, mankind was doomed. Will Rodman now lives in New York, in a stolen fancy dress, gorilla outfit.

RYAN: What are we waiting for?

JOWETT: Mike. He’s on the phone

RYAN: Just start without him

JOWETT: Nah I’m going to wait until he decides to not to be a pain

MIKE: Hang on a second phil. You will be waiting a while, Jowett. Sorry Phil, carry on

RYAN: Come on, Jowett, start without him

JOWETT: No! Why are you talking to Phil?

MIKE: (Put’s hand over the phone) He is sorting stuff out for me


MIKE: He’s looking at work that needs to be done to my new house

JOWETT: This can wait until after, surely? This is rude

MIKE:It won’t take long

JOWETT: Put him on loud-speaker, might as well involve him

MIKE: Okay. You are on loud-speaker, Phil

PHIL: Okay


PHIL: Hello

JOWETT: How’s thi..

MIKE: Bit rude Jowett. I was in the middle of something…

JOWETT: There are no words to…

MIKE: Phil, what did you ask before?

PHIL: Do you want me to add a cat flap?


PHIL: Why?

MIKE: Because I don’t have a cat

PHIL: Do you have a dog?


PHIL: Do you want…

MIKE: No I don’t want a dog flap

PHIL: Why?

MIKE: I don’t think they exist for a start

PHIL: They do, I have one

MIKE: Really?

PHIL: Yeah, actually had it put in last week. The dog just runs in and out of it all day

MIKE: What dog do you have?

PHIL: Great Dane

JOWETT: A Great Dane? That must be a big flap. Are you not worried someone will climb in and rob your house?

PHIL:…Shi (Hangs up)

MIKE: Phil?…Phil?..He’s gone. Go o then Jowett, you have my undivided attention

JOWETT: Good. I want to talk to you all about the interview you gave, last week, for a magazine. More importantly when asked about the Pussy Cat dolls comeback

MIKE: What about it?

JOWETT: Well for a start, it’s never going to be published

RYAN: Why?

JOWETT: Because we asked them not to

MIKE: I cancelled stuff to be at that interview! What was wrong with it?

JOWETT: Well let’s see. When asked if you knew anything about the new Pussy Cat Dolls you said yes. Why?

MIKE: I can’t remember

JOWETT: Let’s jog your memory. When asked “Do you know any information about the new Pussy Cat doll group” Mike said “I know that there is now enough of them to set up a charity for rejected members”

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah. I did say that

JOWETT: Which leads me to their next question “Have you ever met any of the Pussy Cat Dolls?” To which Joel replied “Yeah I met one of the old ones. She seemed very bitter and almost threatening. I was scared of her. But I know her quite well now and she’s alright” Joel, you have never met any member of the Pussy Cat dolls

JOEL: I have!

JOWETT: No mate, you haven’t. Then as the reporter obviously got excited at getting some inside information on them, she asked you for some facts about them that fans might not know

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: Joel replied “They are more scared of you, than you are of them” No Joel, that’s a fact about spiders


JOEL: ….Still applies to them

JOWETT: You clearly didn’t think to stop either when she said “Anything else?” and you said “They will come into your house seeking warmth in the winter” That’s STILL spiders


MIKE: Is there a conclusion to this lecture?

JOWETT: Don’t give interviews on info about other pop stars ever again, okay?

MIKE: Christ, fine!



MIKE:You haven’t said anything about my new iPhone…


MIKE: It’s brilliant, thanks for asking. Does literally anything and everything

JOWETT: Brilliant, let’s move…

RYAN: Can you find out what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?

MIKE: Psh! what planet?

RYAN: Mars?

MIKE: Raining, all day

JOWETT: I don’t think that…

JOEL: Can it tell me what Goofy is?

MIKE: There is an app for that!

RYAN: Can it weedle out which members of the private security industry are actually closet homosexuals

MIKE: There’s an app for..

JOWETT: There is NOT and app for…

Mike shows Jowett his screen

JOWETT:…..My god

MIKE: I downloaded a ‘Race Card’ app the other day

JOWETT: What’s the point in that? You can’t use it


JOEL: What’s a ‘Race Card’

JOWETT:…… Untill next time, it’s goodby


MIKE: Woah woah hang on. Are you not going to answer him?

JOWETT: NO, no I’m not and neither are..

MIKE: The ‘Race Card’ is a..

JOWETT: Don’t do this, come on

JOEL: I think I know what it is anyway

MIKE: Go on..

JOWETT: Okay but be careful

JOEL: If, say, a black person believes he or she is being taken advantage of because of their race..

JOWETT: Yeahhhh?

JOEL: They can then use the ‘Race Card’…

JOWETT: Yeahhhh?

JOEL: And say “I challenge you to a race because I know I will win, because I’m black”…That’s right, isn’t it?

JOWETT:……Yep. Goodbye!