One Year anniversary special Jowett’s post: Life after the cameras stopped rolling – Trouble with the law

Posted: April 10, 2012 in Jowett's Posts
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Hello!

After the success of the last ‘Jowett’s post’ I have decided to do more of them. This on will be focusing on life after the cameras stopped rolling on some of the worlds most popular films. What happened next to in the world of these amazing characters? Well, I’ll tell you….

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The Story

Well you know the story. An eccentric man, Willy Wonker, that owns a spectacular, world renowned chocolate factory and let’s a select group of people inside to take a tour. By the end of the tour, the group has been whittled down to just one 10 year old boy named Charlie and his grandfather. As he was the last child standing he was given the opportunity to help run the chocolate factory along side Mr Wonker, he accepted and they lived happily ever after…

What Happened Next?

Well it turned out Mr Wonker wasn’t a well man. His decision to let a group of random children enter his top secret factory was fulled by a heavy dose of prescription drugs. The period was known by insiders as ‘Will’s mad month’ where he would make knee jerk decisions like sacking an Oompa-Loompa for looking at him “The wrong way”. Anyway, after he made the offer to Charlie, his medication fulled rampage wore off a day later. He couldn’t remember a thing, feared the worst and set up a meeting with his lawyers

WILLY WONKER: I’m sacred I might have done something bad again

LAWYER: I’m afraid you have Mr Wonker

WILLY WONKER: Go on, give it to me straight……

LAWYER: Well would you like the good news or the bad news?

WILLY WONKER: Bad news…..

LAWYER: You have signed over half your equity to a 10 year old boy..

WILLY WONKER: Oh your joking?

LAWYER: The good news is he will be half culpable for the deaths of the 4 children that took place whilst on the factory property

WILLY WONKER:……Shithouse

Lord of the Rings: The Return of the king

The Story

The ring has been destroyed, order has been restored and the crusaders have been celebrated for their efforts

What Happened Next?

After A weeks worth of long drunken parties that go into the early hours of the morning with the rest of the crusaders, Merry and Pippin get back to the shire. Shortly after Merry get’s a visit from the police. An female elf has filed a complaint of sexual assault against Merry. Merry obviously denied the accusations but the Police have  to come and question both Merry and Pippin on their whereabouts on the nights of the assault. After giving statements, it was apparent that both Merry and Pippin where in the same place as the Elf. After going over their recollection of the night, Merry started to become worne down and aggitated…

OFIFICER: Once more, I want to hear what happened again at the post ring destruction party

MERRY: (Desperate) I’ve already told you what happened!

OFFICER: I want to hear it again. And see if it matches my notes

MERRY: I spent most of the night just in the corner of the room, I’ve told you!

OFFICER: Well what were you doing in the corner at 1.30am?

MERRY: I dunno, just demolishing another thirst quencher, probably

PIPPIN: ‘Thirst Quencher’ is Merry’s slang for Elf (Laughs)

Merry and Pippin share a laugh followed by an awkward pause

MERRY: He’s joking….

OFFICER: Merry Brandybuck, I’m arresting you on suspicion…….

Pippin was cleared on all counts of sexual assault and it was put to bed. Shortly after Frodo returned he realised the last time he saw his wallet was in Mordor. His reaction could be heard across The Shire

Rise of the planet of the apes

The Story

Dr William Rodman has accidentally created a virus that enhances intelligence in apes. This had led them to break out of captivity and rampage across the world

What Happened next?

After secretly being smug at his backfiring virus, he seeks legal advice on his involvement in the end of mankind….

LAWYER: How can I help you Mr Rodman?

WILL RODMAN: Errr I may have done something bad. And It could get worse

LAWYER: Okay, what have you done?

WILL RODMAN: Well, you see that Gorilla out there, smashing up that Mazda?

LAWYER: …..Woah

WILL RODMAN: Yeah. I did that

LAWYER: I see

WILL RODMAN: I’m in trouble, aren’t I?

LAWYER: Erm

A human corpse comes through the window

LAWYER: Yeah

It didn’t make any difference, mankind was doomed. Will Rodman now lives in New York, in a stolen fancy dress, gorilla outfit.

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Comments
  1. zencherry says:

    Poor Willy. Free Willy. Wait. That’s been done.

  2. susielindau says:

    Dang wallet!! Getting a licence to ride a dragon back at the Shire could take weeks!

  3. Happy Anniversary…and many more!

  4. Writing Jobs says:

    Excellent post today. Thanks so much for sharing. I really enjoyed it very much.

    Enjoy writing? We would love for you to join us!

    Writers Wanted

  5. the master says:

    SHAUN OF THE DEAD

    Shaun lives happily with Liz, while Ed (un)lives happily in the shed. But finally reality hits, and Shaun realizes he has been living a lie. After years of legal wrangling, religious persecution, politically posturing and bitter public debate, gay human-zombie marriages are legalized. Shaun and Ed tie the knot and head off for their honeymoon. That night Shaun learns that zombie disease can be transferred by more than blood and saliva. Following some “unpleasantness” at the hotel, the two of them return home and “live” happily ever after.

    HOT FUZZ

    Gay police man-officer marriages are legalized. Nicholas and Danny tie the knot and live happily ever after… until Roy Slater and James Bond escape from prison. At that point gay disgraced former police man-officer-disgraced ex Somerfield manager marriages are legalized, and all four live happily ever after.

    I’m starting to think I should branch into Yaoi…

    ALIEN RESURRECTION

    The survivors land on the shithole formerly known as Earth. There, Ripley and Call succumb to the palpable sexual tension and have hot sweaty alien-human hybrid/robot lesbian sex while Hellboy and the paralysed Frenchman look on approvingly. Unbeknownst to them an alien egg that was somehow magicked onto the Betty Alien 3-style hatches, loosing a Queen facehugger on the planet…

    Week later that same facehugger dies of exhaustion on a barren Earth that has had all trace of life wiped out when a spaceship crashed into it.

    FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR

    Having returned to his family in 1978 David grows up happy with his adoring parents and his idiot younger brother, before hooking up with a young Sarah Jessica Parker in a twist worthy of the shittiest of fanfiction. He lives a rich and fulfilling life without a care in the world, other than finding a good supply of live animals/homeless people to feed the growing alien monstrosity now residing in his basement.

    Elsewhere, in an alternate timeline, the doubles of his parents and Jeff live a life of quiet despair, never knowing what became of their first-born son and older brother…

    JURASSIC PARK III

    With two islands containing genetically resurrected dinosaurs, the planet becomes 200% more awesome.

    PS: Happy Birthday mofos!

  6. Genius post! Awesomely imagini-fied (I know that is not a word, but I created it just for you)!

  7. This is quite interesting.

  8. Reblogged this on The insane mutterings of a sane man and commented:
    Very funny, definately worth a read!

  9. thebestj98 says:

    That was extremely funny!

  10. Roshni says:

    Hilarious! Awesome! Loved the one on Willy Wonka and also the LOTR one!

  11. Roshni says:

    Happy Birthday, by the way! 🙂 Live long, you guys!

  12. aplscruf says:

    Willy Wonker. Good gawd!

  13. H.E. ELLIS says:

    Willy Wonker. Genuis. 🙂

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