Race card? There is an app for that!

Posted: March 21, 2012 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , ,

RYAN: What are we waiting for?

JOWETT: Mike. He’s on the phone

RYAN: Just start without him

JOWETT: Nah I’m going to wait until he decides to not to be a pain

MIKE: Hang on a second phil. You will be waiting a while, Jowett. Sorry Phil, carry on

RYAN: Come on, Jowett, start without him

JOWETT: No! Why are you talking to Phil?

MIKE: (Put’s hand over the phone) He is sorting stuff out for me


MIKE: He’s looking at work that needs to be done to my new house

JOWETT: This can wait until after, surely? This is rude

MIKE:It won’t take long

JOWETT: Put him on loud-speaker, might as well involve him

MIKE: Okay. You are on loud-speaker, Phil

PHIL: Okay


PHIL: Hello

JOWETT: How’s thi..

MIKE: Bit rude Jowett. I was in the middle of something…

JOWETT: There are no words to…

MIKE: Phil, what did you ask before?

PHIL: Do you want me to add a cat flap?


PHIL: Why?

MIKE: Because I don’t have a cat

PHIL: Do you have a dog?


PHIL: Do you want…

MIKE: No I don’t want a dog flap

PHIL: Why?

MIKE: I don’t think they exist for a start

PHIL: They do, I have one

MIKE: Really?

PHIL: Yeah, actually had it put in last week. The dog just runs in and out of it all day

MIKE: What dog do you have?

PHIL: Great Dane

JOWETT: A Great Dane? That must be a big flap. Are you not worried someone will climb in and rob your house?

PHIL:…Shi (Hangs up)

MIKE: Phil?…Phil?..He’s gone. Go o then Jowett, you have my undivided attention

JOWETT: Good. I want to talk to you all about the interview you gave, last week, for a magazine. More importantly when asked about the Pussy Cat dolls comeback

MIKE: What about it?

JOWETT: Well for a start, it’s never going to be published

RYAN: Why?

JOWETT: Because we asked them not to

MIKE: I cancelled stuff to be at that interview! What was wrong with it?

JOWETT: Well let’s see. When asked if you knew anything about the new Pussy Cat Dolls you said yes. Why?

MIKE: I can’t remember

JOWETT: Let’s jog your memory. When asked “Do you know any information about the new Pussy Cat doll group” Mike said “I know that there is now enough of them to set up a charity for rejected members”

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah. I did say that

JOWETT: Which leads me to their next question “Have you ever met any of the Pussy Cat Dolls?” To which Joel replied “Yeah I met one of the old ones. She seemed very bitter and almost threatening. I was scared of her. But I know her quite well now and she’s alright” Joel, you have never met any member of the Pussy Cat dolls

JOEL: I have!

JOWETT: No mate, you haven’t. Then as the reporter obviously got excited at getting some inside information on them, she asked you for some facts about them that fans might not know

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: Joel replied “They are more scared of you, than you are of them” No Joel, that’s a fact about spiders


JOEL: ….Still applies to them

JOWETT: You clearly didn’t think to stop either when she said “Anything else?” and you said “They will come into your house seeking warmth in the winter” That’s STILL spiders


MIKE: Is there a conclusion to this lecture?

JOWETT: Don’t give interviews on info about other pop stars ever again, okay?

MIKE: Christ, fine!



MIKE:You haven’t said anything about my new iPhone…


MIKE: It’s brilliant, thanks for asking. Does literally anything and everything

JOWETT: Brilliant, let’s move…

RYAN: Can you find out what the weather is going to be like tomorrow?

MIKE: Psh! what planet?

RYAN: Mars?

MIKE: Raining, all day

JOWETT: I don’t think that…

JOEL: Can it tell me what Goofy is?

MIKE: There is an app for that!

RYAN: Can it weedle out which members of the private security industry are actually closet homosexuals

MIKE: There’s an app for..

JOWETT: There is NOT and app for…

Mike shows Jowett his screen

JOWETT:…..My god

MIKE: I downloaded a ‘Race Card’ app the other day

JOWETT: What’s the point in that? You can’t use it


JOEL: What’s a ‘Race Card’

JOWETT:…… Untill next time, it’s goodby


MIKE: Woah woah hang on. Are you not going to answer him?

JOWETT: NO, no I’m not and neither are..

MIKE: The ‘Race Card’ is a..

JOWETT: Don’t do this, come on

JOEL: I think I know what it is anyway

MIKE: Go on..

JOWETT: Okay but be careful

JOEL: If, say, a black person believes he or she is being taken advantage of because of their race..

JOWETT: Yeahhhh?

JOEL: They can then use the ‘Race Card’…

JOWETT: Yeahhhh?

JOEL: And say “I challenge you to a race because I know I will win, because I’m black”…That’s right, isn’t it?

JOWETT:……Yep. Goodbye!


  1. chrisdevoss says:

    Welcome back gentlemen!

  2. Calisa Rhose says:

    Good to see you’re back and at it again… No more horses, right, Mike?

  3. There’s an app for EVERYTHING! ๐Ÿ˜†

  4. bdewayne says:

    Funny post; properly cynical and un PC.Applause

  5. foodwinemine says:

    awesome! thanks for the like ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ funny blog

  6. aplscruf says:

    โ€œThey will come into your house seeking warmth in the winterโ€ Thatโ€™s STILL spiders

    God, that made me laugh! What’s next, hairy legs? Multiple eyes? Spin silk from their arses?

  7. I’m really tempted to do a search for Race Card app.

  8. drewpan says:

    Hahaha! That gave me a good laugh in the middle of a bad day at work.

  9. crubin says:

    So, wait, is Phil putting in a cat flap for one of the Pussy Cat Dolls? I think there’s an app for that… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Thanks for a good chuckle and for stopping by my blog!

  10. Brilliant stuff. Loved the Pussy Cat Doll comments lol.

  11. the master says:

    Is there an app for not giving a shit? I bet there is. And if there isn’t, I bet someone makes one. And if they do, I guarantee I’ll download it.

    I remember Kimberly Wyatt of the aforementioned Dolls appearing on Shooting Stars and being witness to a wardrobe malfunction involving Vic Reeves. I imagine that haunts her to this day.

    PS: Don’t forget about my upcoming 200th comic interactive special! Your involvement would be most welcome! And as an apology for this blatant cheap advertising I’ll continue to pimp you out like a motherfucker.

  12. great dane door flaps!! lol.. and apps for all things, I am here, slain… cheers

  13. Roshni says:

    I’m in love with Mike… ๐Ÿ™‚ Can’t stop laughing.

  14. dianiarusha says:

    Thanks for the like! I love the idea behind this blog. At first I wasn’t sure – then I read some of your posts and they are genuinely hilarious!

  15. gwenslife101 says:

    Thank, you that put a much needed smile on my face. will read more of your blogs

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