Horses, impressions and early ambitions for fame

Posted: December 7, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Hello!

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Mike is back

MIKE: I am

JOWETT: Have a good time?

MIKE: I did

JOWETT: Good good. Erm…we got a bill through…..from your little trip

MIKE: Oh ah?

JOWETT: Err yeah, we did


JOWETT: You know how much horses cost?

MIKE: I don’t. I know how many Rolo’s it takes to choke one


JOWETT: I wouldn’t be proud of that. It’s not funny

MIKE: I didn’t say it because it was funny. I’m trying to get a advertisement deal for Rolo’s

JOWETT: Well you are going to need the money

MIKE: I’M not paying for it!




MIKE: WELL……fair enough



RYAN: Christ! How many Rolo’s did you give it, for it to have a diabetic fit?

MIKE: Yeah, quite a lot

JOWETT: Where did you get all these Rolo’s?

MIKE: Mini baaaaa……the shop

JOWETT: WHAT! So we have a bill for a mini bar to look forward to aswell, do we?

MIKE: Okay okay. I’ll pay for the mini bar bill

JOWETT: You will pay for all of it!

MIKE: We will see

JOEL: Why did they get Mike to do the documentary?

JOWETT: No idea

MIKE: Because I’m young, gifted….and black


JOWETT: (Tut’s) For the purpose of the readers, he’s not black

MIKE: I am! Who says I’m not!

JOWETT: We do, we can see you, we know you aren’t black

MIKE: I am. Step off, cracker!


JOWETT: Enough of this. What have you been up to?

RYAN: Joel has mastered one of his impressions


JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: Impression of who?

JOEL: Elmo

JOWETT: I have warned you about talking about Muppets, on these interviews. We ca…

MIKE: Elmo isn’t a Muppet

JOWETT: What? Of course he is

MIKE: Was he in ‘The Muppets’?

JOWETT: Well….Sesame Street

MIKE: Not ‘The Muppets’ though is it?

JOWETT: He is part of Jim Henson’s productions though, isn’t he!

MIKE: If he was never on the same screen as Kermit, he aint a Muppet

JOWETT:….You aren’t supposed to find loop holes in the ‘Muppet rule’

MIKE: Well then, sit down

JOWETT: God sake. I always thought impressions were sort of pointless, unless you are an impressionist

RYAN: Just a party trick, isn’t it

JOWETT: He shouldn’t be at parties where that impression would be popular


MIKE: There has to be other uses. He couuuuuuuuuuuld ring up Brian Henson and say you have Elmo hostage. Ask for ransom

JOWETT: (Sarcastically) Yeahhh brilliant

MIKE: Nah, ring him up, and say”Brian, I have Elmo, hostage. I want 1 million pounds sent to me in the next 24 hours. Every hour I do not get an answer, I will send a body part in the post”” Brian will go “Do you think I’m stupid?” and then you go “well…here is proof” Put the Elmo voice on “Brian, Help meeeeee” ” OH MY GOD! DON’T HURT HIM! I’LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT!”


MIKE: Easy

JOWETT: That was ridiculous

RYAN: What if Brian turned around and said “Sorry Elmo, we don’t negotiate with terrorists. Company policy!”


MIKE: “Not since the time we lost  2 million trying to retrieve the original Big Bird from the Iraq tour”

JOWETT: Stop it now. So, Joel. Have you always done impressions?

JOEL: Yeah, ever since I was little. There is a video of me, when I was like 12, doing impressions

JOWETT: …….We need that video

JOEL: No chance. Even when I was 12 I thought, ‘If I ever become famous, that will come back to haunt me’

JOWETT: Hmm did you think you would become famous at that age?

JOEL: Possibly


JOEL: Kill someone


JOEL: I’m joking

JOWETT: I think a video of you doing impressions, circulating, would be the last thing on your mind if you were a murderer


MIKE: Imagine that, on the news at ten “A video has been released of the serial killer, Joel” And then a video comes up of Joel doing impressions. Joel is there at home, hacking up bodies and he looks up at the Tv and goes “Oh how embarrassing!”


JOWETT: On that not I think we better wrap this up. Untill next time!

Thank you for reading! We are still waiting to hear about the comedy magazine. The website is currently being made and we will let you know when that is up and running so you can subscribe to that. We aren’t sure yet but it would become our regular home. Keep following us on Twitter and Facebook if you haven’t already!

  1. zencherry says:

    Did Mike have a Half-Baked moment? Aww. He was just trying to be nice, not like he made the horse eat it, right? Besides, that horse died happy. Deduct that from the bill and the fact they didn’t inform him of the diabetic circumstances. I mean, kids have to inform other parents when they go to a birthday party – hey my kid will die if it touches peanut butter, right? 😉

  2. Hey Guys,

    It’s been awhile since I commented although I do follow your site and read it with relish. This is a great one. I really love your stuff. I also have found that I can pick up other friends from your site and I have found a few really good ones. I just read your piece on Tinkerbelle’s site and some of her’s as well. Great site and a really likeable girl. Well,……..oh yeh, I wanted to mention a 90’s cartoon. “Courage the Cowardly Dog”. I hate that cartoon because even though it was funny at times; the whole atmosphere of the show remionds me of a nightmare I used to have as a child. Very dark, and detached feeling. hey, Have fun and keep up the great work

  3. So do you think that rolo’s would remove other pesky animals too?

  4. MissLauraC says:

    If possible I would like to know the exact number of Rolos that will kill a diabetic horse. Y’know, just for future reference…

  5. So Mike is a horse killer, Joel is a serial killer, and the whole group are terrorist masterminds? What kind of band is this??? My God, man…

  6. Seriously, what do you take before you write these? I’m gonna need to take a pain pill because I hurt from laughing so hard!

  7. ottabelle says:

    Your posts make me so happy.

  8. Thanks for the laugh! (as per usual)

    “For the purpose of the readers he is not black”
    “Yes I am! Who says I’m not?”

    If this is the life of British rock bands than I’m quitting my job, moving to Britain, and learning to play the guitar.

  9. putnik says:

    funny shit. i like.

  10. Mauen says:

    Very entertaining. I’m now a follower 🙂

  11. Needed a laugh today, I’m spending money. Thanks!

  12. Damn that “Muppet Rule” anyway!

  13. mj monaghan says:

    Very funny! Love the English sense of humor having lived there for a few years back in the 80’s. Keep it up. I’m following you all.

  14. Thankyou for ‘likeing’ my post- I would have thanked you back when you did it – but at the time was new to wordpress and had no idea how to do it! Anyway- have a good one and thanks again!

  15. allsilent424 says:

    Just curious, do you gonzo inspired blog?

  16. nmetzler says:

    will have to remember not to give Rolos to any horses. just in case.

    thanks for the laughs.

  17. Mike you are so right. Elmo isn’t a muppet! I’m with you. Except on the trying to kill a horse thing. . . You’re on your own with that one

  18. If it were not for your posts I would cry all of the time. Your know, when I think of the savings spent on the past two divorces…

    Fave line this post: IKE: Because I’m young, gifted….and black

    Didin’t know if you were aware but I was born a poor black child
    ~Rachael Black

    ps LOVE being able to use that line. Born with bad humor. Uh HUH

  19. Jenzy says:

    Fun, I’ll have to watch you more closely … I was asking myself the same question as above, what are you on when writing these?! Lol

  20. Calisa Rhose says:

    Horses aren’t supposed to have chocolate… at all.

    Can I use any of this in future books? I don’t write comedy, but I would be willing to start!

  21. Jennifaye says:

    Holding Elmo hostage…Who would’ve thought? Laughed so hard reading this. 🙂

  22. The Hook says:

    Personally, I think fame is overrated. Look at the Kardashians!

  23. the master says:

    Impressions are just a bit of fun. Unfortunately I can only do two – Stone Cold Steve Austin and Alan Rickman in Die Hard.

    “Mr. Takagi won’t be joining us for the rest of his life. And that’s the bottom line, ‘cos Stone Cold said so!”

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