No ‘PING’ Button, Discussions On Slavery And Past Jobs

Posted: November 16, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: Right, firstly, We aren’t in a studio today. Which means we have no ‘PING’ button. So for this post we are going back to the old system. Would you like to explain, Ryan?

RYAN: Okay. If I feel that anyone is straying into a conversation that will cause legal issues, I will warn them with a warning sound. The warning sound will be the title of a Beatles song

JOWETT: Great! Let’s kick it off! I thought we could talk about past jobs that you have had. Joel, do you want to start?

JOEL: Erm okay. I had rubbish past jobs

JOWETT: Where did you work?

JOEL: I worked in a cafe kitchen. I was treated like a slave

JOWETT: I doubt it was that bad

JOEL: No honestly, I was practically in slavery

JOWETT: Mate, you weren’t were you. I imagine you chose to be there AND got paid for it?

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: It’s not slavery then

JOEL: …….It was a bit

JOWETT: Right, It’s sort of offensive to keep saying this. What do you think slavery is? Where do you think it comes from?

MIKE: Ryan?

RYAN: Yes mate?

MIKE: Erm, I’m thinking you should probably intervene here. He’s just asked Joel to explain how slavery came about, it’s more than likely going to be offensive and I will probably say something daft as a result of it, so………

RYAN: Let’s just see how it pans out…

MIKE: Okay

Pause

MIKE: Problem, Jowett?

JOWETT: No no, I’m just waiting to see if you had finished your conversation

MIKE: Yeah sorry. Carry on

JOEL: I’m not entirely sure how it came about

JOWETT: Well an entire race was plucked from their homeland and taken to another country where they were forced to work under harsh conditions and with no payment

MIKE: Well say what you want about Willy Wonker, but he got his own movie

Laughter

MIKE: I warned you, Ryan!

RYAN: Yeah, fair do’s

JOWETT: Oh come on, Ryan! He even let you know in advance!

RYAN: Sorry

JOWETT: Let’s move on. Mike, past jobs?

MIKE: I was a slave for a bit…

Laughter

JOWETT: Come on now

MIKE: When I was in college I had a work placement at a shelter

JOWETT: Like for homeless people?

MIKE: Tramps, yeah

JOWETT: Right. You aren’t allowed to say tramp anymore, it’s not PC, you have to say homeless. Ryan, be on guard

RYAN: Okay

JOWETT: So what did you do there?

MIKE: Serving food, talking to them, giving out clothes to them. Most of them had drug problems too, so we talked to them about that

JOWETT: Oh right

MIKE: I remember a fight broke out inside the shelter between two tra..

RYAN: Penny L…

MIKE: Two homeless people, about some clothes being given out

JOWETT: Really?

MIKE: Yeah. One of them got really wound up about it and wouldn’t let it drop, so I had a chat with him

JOWETT: What did you say?

MIKE: Just like, it’s not that important

JOWETT: Yeah. Told him he would get first pick of the next lot of clothes or something?

MIKE: Yeah and buy some smack to take his mind off…

RYAN: Strawberry fields

Laughter

MIKE: (Laughing) I knew someone who could sort them out!

JOWETT: I will pretend I didn’t hear that. Do you remember any of their names?

MIKE: Nah I tried not to. They didn’t live that long and If you start giving them names then you get attached to them

Laughter

JOWETT: UNbelievable. Comparing them to goldfish or something….

MIKE: Yeah if you like. Goldfish that smelt of sick, had heroin addictions and fingerless  gloves

Laughter

JOWETT: RIGHT! RYAN! Tell me one of your past jobs, quickly

RYAN: Erm I used to sell heroin to homeless people

Laughter

MIKE: For the purpose of the tape, even Jowett is laughing at that

RYAN: We might as well scrap the warning system this week

JOWETT: Yeah I figured that. Did you REALLY give advice about drugs to homeless people?

MIKE: Are you REALLY asking?

JOWETT: Actually…No

MIKE: Nah I am joking. I didn’t do that. A lot of the time they would come in, off their face. So we had to keep them amused and occupied for a bit until they sobered up

JOWETT: How?

MIKE: Didn’t take much. Ever seen a tramp on acid? Just give him a spoon and he will be there for a good few hours

Laughter

MIKE: A group, about five of them, came in once, absolutely fu*ked, off acid. We couldn’t control them so me and another volunteer held a puppet show for them that consisted of empty cans of beans with faces dawn on them

Laughter

MIKE: They lapped it up, wanted to know what other stuff the ‘Actors’ had been in

Laughter

MIKE: They gave an award to the mushy peas tin for its performance. Like a BAFTA

JOWETT: What was the award?

MIKE: A shoe

JOWETT: I’m ending this nonsense. Until next time!

Thank you again for reading! We are still looking for comedy writers and cartoonists for the online magazine which is in the early stages of development. It is being left in the hands of Rob Shaw, who will be in charge of the magazine, but you can reach him through our email adress

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Comments
  1. susielindau says:

    Cans of beans and they wanted to know what other films they had been in???? Hilarious!!

  2. Hahah! I love the warning system on this one. Awesome blog! Definitely going to follow this and thanks for checking mine out 🙂

  3. G M Stevens says:

    Great post. “If you start giving them names…” started me laughing and I pretty much laughed through the rest of it. Loved it.

  4. aplscruf says:

    PING!!! LOL again, boys.

  5. cuhome says:

    You guys are funny! Thanks for the grins!

  6. Cayman Thorn says:

    Yanno, I read these posts and I think. . . how comes I ain’t been invited other side yet? You’re a sick puppy, and we all love it.

  7. You are TOO funny, guys!!! Keep it up!

  8. jannatwrites says:

    Yeah, I’d say the warning system was pointless in this conversation 🙂 Sometimes you just have to un-invite ‘PC’ to the party.

  9. too too funny! i think this one may well be my favorite – although i do still chuclke about kermit and miss piggy 😉

  10. tootsiewoo says:

    I saw “Slavery” in the title and I was immediately alarmed…soooo funny. I think I find the least PC posts the funniets. oops.

  11. Ape No. 1 says:

    “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” from laughing at your post.

  12. Janece says:

    Anyone who had a first job at 15 in some sort of ‘fast food’ establishment knows exactly what slavery means. Mine involved scrubbing floors and scooping ice cream for a dirty old man who was missing two fingers from a run in with a hack saw.

    Lucky hack saw.

  13. kewsmith says:

    So funny. Still laughing and might continue to laugh all day as I visualize the puppet show.

  14. The Hook says:

    This is the place to bust a gut! I don’t where you go to get it repaired, though….

  15. Byron says:

    Solid stuff, dude! I’ve been awake for two days, drawing strips and pulling out my hair writing stuff – – had to take a break and read your work. Nice!

  16. MIKE: Didn’t take much. Ever seen a tramp on acid? Just give him a spoon and he will be there for a good few hours.

    Never seen this personally, but I’ve heard mushrooms do the same thing. A flower pot occupied two of my friends for an hour.

    Onward!

  17. zencherry says:

    Bwhwhaaa! Tin can puppet show. (Wipes eyes) Priceless!

  18. Laughing and digging out Penny Lane at the same time…….

  19. eof737 says:

    I guess it was time to end it for Jowett. 😉

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