Large receptionists and Mike maintains he is not misogynistic or homophobic

JOWETT: Alright lads!

JOEL: Hello

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOWETT: So what’s been going on?

JOEL: I saw Danny today

JOWETT: Oh ah?

JOEL: Yeah

Pause

JOWETT: Anything to add to that?

JOEL: Not really

Laughter

JOWETT: Brilliant. Pointless, that was

JOEL: Just saying. I haven’t seen him in ages

JOWETT: People reading this don’t know who….right, for the readers, Danny use to work on the front desk, for the management company

MIKE: He was fat

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: But like obese fat. Massive

RYAN: Yeah he was quite big

MIKE: But like, he worked on reception in the management offices and behind him was one of the fire exits. The corridors in the old building were really narrow. I always thought, if there was a fire, we would have been fu*ked!

JOWETT: Mmm yeah. That’s it though, isn’t it. When you’re so big you become a health and safety nightmare

MIKE: Or appear on Google Earth

Laughter

JOWETT: Harsh

MIKE: I saw him once, right….You know those executive toys you see, like stress balls and stuff?

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: I saw him with, what I thought was a stress ball that he was throwing from one hand to the other, while on the phone. I was walking past and motioned with my hands for him to throw it to me. I caught it and it was a unwrapped chocolate orange!

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) No it wasn’t

MIKE: It was! At first I thought, ‘Eugh it’s sweaty’ It had just been melting

JOWETT: Oh my god

JOEL: Have you seen the new chocolate orange? It’s got honey comb in it

RYAN: I don’t think that’s new mate

JOEL: I just saw the new packaging. It drew me in

RYAN: Why?

JOEL: Just did. Looked good

JOWETT: didn’t one of you have a girlfriend that was a sucker for advertisement or new packaging and stuff?

MIKE: Yeah, I did. She was a vegetarian and saw some veggie food with new packaging so she bought it

JOWETT: I can imagine you didn’t let that moment go by without some smart arse comment

MIKE: Nah, just rolled my eyes

JOWETT: I bet you didn’t (Mocking voice) “They’ve just re-badged it you daft hippy!”

Laughter

MIKE: Rings a bell. Women are a bit susceptible to advertising anyway

JOWETT: At the risk of something misogynistic being said..go on?

MIKE: Nah I wouldn’t. I’m not misogynistic

JOWETT: No, sure

MIKE: Now where’s that bird with my coffee?

Laughter

JOWETT: I mean you joke about it. But you are a bit sexist and stuff

MIKE: No evidence to back this up, at all

JOWETT: I have visions of you, even as a baby, sitting in your high chair, slapping you’re mum’s arse as she walks past going “Warm up my milk toots”

Laughter

JOWETT: Not denying it

RYAN: Because he’s laughing

MIKE: Right, stop it now, I’m not misogynistic. In fact, Callum, our old roadie, came out as gay didn’t he. I was fine with it, even though he will have had to leave his girlfriend

JOWETT: What? That’s doesn’t make sense. You have just gone from trying to explain why you aren’t a misogynist, to us thinking you are homophobic

MIKE:….Oh yeah

Laughter

MIKE: I’m neither. For the record

RYAN: Has he really come out as gay?

MIKE: Yeah. He was caught out

JOWETT: Caught out how? Actually let’s not gossip about him. He might take issue with you accusing him of something he didn’t do

MIKE: Don’t use words like ‘accused’. I will be reading that back in a letter from his lawyer

JOWETT: Well you have accused him of being gay. Are you sure he has come out as gay? He could sue

MIKE: Yeah..I think…I swear someone said he had

JOWETT: Oooo backtracking. You said he was caught out!

MIKE: BUT!…..I NEVER SUGGESTED IT WAS ANYTHING ANTI-BIBLICAL!

Laughter

JOWETT: Right okay. Let’s wrap this up. What you up to later?

RYAN: Nothing

MIKE: I’m going to see a musical

JOWETT: Oh come off it. We know your not homophobic

MIKE: Okay, good

JOWETT: I mean If it really concerns you, I could try to organise a gig for you at G-A-Y club in Charing cross

MIKE: Well let’s not go too far

JOWETT: No worries mate, consider it DONE! You will have to be a bit more energetic on stage. You looked bored at your last gig

MIKE: How dare you

RYAN: Bob said that actually. Need to get involved a bit more

MIKE: WHAT!? I’m sorry, what do you expect me to do?

JOWETT: Anything mate

MIKE: FINE! You wait for the next one. I’m going to bite the head off an animal, on stage

JOWETT: Pfft you wouldn’t

MIKE: I will

JOWETT: What animal?

MIKE: Ant

Laughter

JOWETT: Until next time!

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