Talk of Past Halloween’s, Bonfire Nights and Joel’s Mates from home

Posted: November 2, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Howdy!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello


JOWETT: Sooo how’s things? Did you do anything for Halloween?

MIKE: Nah not this year

RYAN: Two years ago we had a gig on Halloween night, so we dressed up for it

JOWETT: Really?

RYAN: Yeah. It was a last-minute decision, made by Mike


RYAN: He got the tour team to start making Halloween costumes in the dressing room, whilst monitoring them

MIKE: It was a good idea

RYAN: Our manager hadn’t a clue what was going on. Back then, out of coincidence, most of our team were black, so our manager walked into the dressing room to find what could only look like a sweat shop and Mike pacing around the room, shouting at them


JOWETT: What did he say?

MIKE: He took me aside and said “You can’t do this. They’ve got rights”


JOWETT: It’s bonfire night on Saturday. Looking forward to that?

RYAN: Mmm not really

MIKE: Nah, too old for that, really

JOWETT: Did you like it when you were younger?

MIKE: Yeah, loved it when I was little. Me and my mates used to launch fireworks through drain pipes at each other

JOEL: Yeah we did that

JOWETT: I’m sorry, where did you grow up? Basra?


MIKE: We got hours of fun out of that


JOEL: I knew a lad that set a firework off in a random place, once, but I can’t remember where it was

JOWETT: Right. Well your childhood was a bit unusual so I imagine it’s…

JOEL: OH YEAH! It was out of my cat’s arse



JOWETT: …Im sorry!?

MIKE: You let you’re mate stick a firework, in your cat’s arse and then light it?

JOEL: Yeah. The cat went one way and the firework went the other


JOWETT: I have fu**ing warned you about cat stories on these interviews, Joel!

JOEL: Sorry

JOWETT: That is shocking. I can’t believe you just said that. Most people would start that story and then stop when they realised it was bad. “Oh my mate once stuck a firework in…Oh no I can’t tell that story”

MIKE: But not Joel!

JOWETT: No, not Joel. Is this the same cat that self harms itself?

JOEL: Err yeah

JOWETT: Have you ever considered that’s why it is a bit haunted now?

MIKE: Does rock back and forth when it hears fireworks go off?

JOEL: It is a bit on edge yeah, but I thought all animals are like that around this time of year?

JOWETT: Poor little bastard

RYAN: Which mate was this?

JOEL: Erm nnnnnot sure

JOWETT: Do you still hang around with him? All your mates are a bit odd aren’t they?


RYAN: Yeah they are, they all have odd names

JOEL: Nicknames

JOWETT: Go on, Joel

JOEL: Ermm well there is ‘Dyslexic Pete’


JOWETT: I’m guessing he is bad with spelling

JOEL: Yeah, quite bad. He text me once saying “I have just bought a Jazzuki” Took me ages to work out what he had bought

JOWETT: What was it?

JOEL: A jacuzzi


JOWETT: Okay, who else?

JOEL: Erm ‘Dave-man’

JOWETT: Right, why do you call him that?

JOEL: He just says ‘man’ at the end of every sentence

JOWETT: Give us an example

JOEL: Erm Like, I will ring him and he will be in the supermarket and I will say “What you buying” and he would say “”bleach man”


MIKE: ‘Bleach Man’ sounds like the shittest superhero ever

JOEL: And there was ‘Early bird Jim’

JOWETT: Right?

JOEL: He was arrested for attacking two different women when they were out jogging early in the morning

JOWETT: Oh for fffffff

RYAN: Jesus christ


MIKE: Why ‘Early bird’ then?…..Oh “Early bird catches the…

JOWETT: DON’T finish that. Joel said that sentence so blasé


RYAN: Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t bring this up

JOWETT: This is bad, isn’t it? We are going to get in trouble for this

MIKE: It’s not that bad. He is in prison isn’t he, Joel?

JOEL: Yeah

MIKE: There you go then, he’s not at large

JOWETT: I suppose. Right that didn’t just happen

RYAN: Didn’t you have a mate that was a psychic?

JOEL: Yeah, he’s the one Mike wasn’t very nice to once

MIKE: (Tut’s)

JOWETT: What did he say?

JOEL: We were in a pub once and he couldn’t find his phone, so he turned to Mike and said “You haven’t seen my phone anywhere, have you?” And Mike said “You tell me”


MIKE: Humor is lost on people like that

JOEL: He wasn’t impressed

JOWETT: I honestly don’t know if we can use any of this conversation

MIKE: Oh shut up. You always say this!


MIKE: Right! I’m gonna make my OWN blog!

JOWETT: Pshhh give over

MIKE: I will! I will call it ‘Shit my……roadie says’


JOWETT: Bean Bag?

MIKE: Yeah!

JOWETT: Yeah, that’s not a blog, is it? It’s more like the start of evidence for a court case


JOWETT: Right lets wrap this up. Until next time!

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funny blog, comedy blog

  1. susielindau says:

    Quite a mash-up today mates! Once again, I laughed all the way through~
    “MIKE: ‘Bleach Man’ sounds like the shittest superhero ever.” Priceless!

    My son got into the habit of calling everyone “dude” when he was about 13 and for a while I was “DudeMom.”

  2. susielindau says:

    BTW – you should add a twitter share to make it easy for us to post to our friends~

  3. the master says:

    Between Joel’s mates and Bean Bag, do you ever worry that the authorities might be monitoring this blog? I for one will be watching what I say on here in future!

    I’m curious now what the psychic’s nickname is. I’d try and come up with a funny one myself if I wasn’t dieing for a piss.

  4. “you tell me”

    I laughed so much at that one.
    Once again, great post 🙂

  5. zencherry says:

    ‘I’m sorry, where did you grow up, Basra?’

    Mwahahha! That was on-the-fly brilliant wit. Voted for ya.

  6. Happy Belated Halloween!

  7. i donned a full body condom and went trick or treating as Rush Limbaugh, who, altho’ he prolly has a very teeny Jon Thomas, still manages to be America’s biggest, fattest, prick. continue…

  8. tootsiewoo says:

    Poor cat:(
    But I enjoyed laughing at it’s expense!

  9. Amber says:

    BLEACH MAN! Lolz that was the best.

  10. spider42 says:

    This is a truly hilarious conversation, the cat and all that came after was hilarious but the starting point with the sweatshop moment made me guffaw something awful!
    Thanks for the laughs and cheers guys!

  11. Mimi Black says:

    Haha! Oh dear, you’ve all lived colourful lives, huh? 😉
    What about you, Jowett? Set any fireworks off in dodgy places? 😉

  12. I am totally going to write a Bleach Man movie script.

  13. lol.. still chucklin man….that poor cat man..and I thought i had strange friends man. Loved it man.

  14. eof737 says:

    Happy Belated Halloween! My guess is that most of this is pure fiction… and if it really isn’t, you should claim it as such… 😉

  15. aviatrixkim says:

    It sounds like a totally plausible conversation to me.

  16. Paula Danner says:

    too funny – not a very happy halloween for the cat, however…

  17. You’ve totally destroyed several images for me (not to mention I am now as haunted as that poor fucking cat!).
    1. Thought that Halloween wasn’t really celebrated in the UK
    2. Believed that blowing things up (unless you’re IRA) was reserved for Guy Fawkes Bonfire night.

    Damn. Another American myth bites the dust. Although it is possible this could not just be a colloquialism but reality around Joel perhaps.

    • Clearly deleted a line there. Perhaps a paragraph. Certainly the point.
      Promise that the next comment may, perhaps, could happen…make sense.
      it COULD happen. I want to bereave! Oh, and a belated Día de Muertos…

  18. Haha. Bleach man reminds me of Blankman, with Damon Waynes. Ignore the ratings. It was cinematic genius.

  19. meggsy25 says:

    This is hilarious! And you’re right, the blog would just be evidence for a court case! 🙂

  20. Kathleen says:

    Hi! Thanks for the like! 🙂 Hilarious blog! Reminds me of the time my hubby’s roommate in college (whose nickname, btw, was Satan) put their cat inside a backpack, spun it around as fast as he could, then let the cat out. Poor thing bolted for the door like a drunk guy on fire (no I do NOT have personal experience with that), but of course ran straight into the wall instead! Funny stuff – thanks for the laughs!

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