Mike’s underachievements and awkward moments

Posted: October 26, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Back again! Hello!

RYAN: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Mike is just outside, talking to one of the management team. I was going to wait until he came back in the studio, but he is purposely taking his time, so we will start without him. You alright Ryan?

RYAN: Yes mate

JOWETT: Been up to anything interesting?

RYAN: Doctors, this morning


RYAN: Just registering with a new doctors

JOWETT: Oh ah? What was wrong with your old one?

RYAN: Well, I dunno. Just wanted to register with a better practice. My old one was unreliable

JOWETT: Oh. He kept cancelling appointments?

RYAN: Nah. But if your doctor ever Google’s your symptoms, it’s time to leave


JOWETT: Yeah, fair enough. What did you have to do then?

RYAN: Just forms and stuff. questionnaires on how healthy I am

JOWETT: Right. Were you honest?

RYAN: Yeah pretty much. Well there was a question that said ‘How often after a night out, can you not remember anything’ and the options were Couple times a year, Couple times a month, or Couple times a week. Obviously the answer is a more than a couples times a week. But they don’t need to know that

JOWETT: (Laughs) I think they do mate. That’s what the questionnaire is for

Door opens

MIKE: Alright?

JOWETT: Decided to join us now?

MIKE: Yeah

JOWETT: What were you talking about?

MIKE: Management wanted me to re-work a track we recorded last week. I did it and they said it was worse than the first one


JOWETT: Well do it again then

MIKE: Nah, if they can use the first one

JOWETT: Why did they want you to re-work it?

MIKE: Something about pushing it for a higher entry in the charts

JOWETT: And you can’t be bothered to do it again?

MIKE: Nope

JOWETT: (Tut’s) Look at him. The bar is raised and Mike limbo’s underneath it


MIKE: Move it along

JOWETT: Who’s kid is that out there?

MIKE: Erm Paul’s I think

JOWETT: Eh? Paul isn’t black


JOWETT: Well….that child is

RYAN: His wife is probably black

JOWETT: She isn’t

MIKE:…….Should we call the police?


JOEL: I think they adopted him

JOWETT: Ahh well that makes sense

MIKE: Sort of information we should know. Thought our management team were running a child trafficking ring for a second there

JOWETT: You ever thought about adopting a child, Mike?

MIKE: No mate

JOWETT: You know someone who adopts kids, don’t you?

MIKE: Err yeah. He is a record executive. He and his wife have adopted quite a few deprived children of different nationalities. I think they are collecting them until they get one from every country. Dinner time must look like a UN meeting



MIKE: What?

JOWETT: Just bordering on offensive, that was

MIKE: Hardly

JOWETT: I bet you didn’t do what I asked you to do for this weeks post either

MIKE: Coming up with an awkward moment?

JOWETT: That you have put yourself in, yes

MIKE: I have actually

RYAN: And me

JOWETT: Go on then, Mike

MIKE: I met a female fan after one of our gigs once

JOWETT: Wait wait wait…can this be published?

MIKE: Yeah yeah, don’t worry


MIKE: So yeah, I met this girl after our gig. I think she was about 25. Randomly, she went through her hand bag and pulled out a paper snowflake and said “Look at this”. It had drawings on it and she was showing me them all saying “There is a picture of a horse, there is a star” etc. After she finishes showing me this paper snow flake I said to her “So does your carer know you are here?” As a joke. She looked at me for a few seconds and as she folded up the snow flake to put in her bag she said “Actually, one of the DOWN SYNDROME children I look after, made it for me”


JOWETT: Oh god

MIKE: I know


RYAN: Err yeah. When I was at university, I was walking through the town center and this woman, working for a charity, stopped me. I knew straight away she was going to ask me to sign up for a charityย donation, but being a student, I was skint, so I was thinking how to get away


RYAN: She said “Firstly before I start, are you over 18?” So I thought here is my way out of this! So I said “Aww sorry im afraid im not” So she said “Are you in school then?” And I just went with it and said “Yeah, I am”

JOWETT: Tut tut

RYAN: So then she says “Why aren’t you in school now?” to which I replied, with a cheeky smile “Ah im skipping school, don’t tell anyone”. At this point, her face drops and she goes “Right. Well I work for a charity that works to help unprivileged children in poverty, to afford to go to school”


RYAN: So then I had to stand there for a good 20 minutes while she lectures me on while I shouldn’t skip school


MIKE: Brilliant

JOWETT: Right, time to wrap this up. Until next time!



funny blog, comedy blog

  1. susielindau says:

    Life is full of awkward moments, but somehow yours are much better than mine!!!
    I agree that if your doctor is googling your symptoms, it is time to find a new doctor!!! Hahaha!

  2. Is it funnier if the other person doesn’t realize that THEY are having an awkward moment?…like that lady looking for poor kids she can lecture about going to school ( and then feel really good about herself about how virtuous she is)
    Funny post

  3. Isn’t it true that the first take is usually the best? That’s what Jack Kerouac says anyway.

  4. Blogdramedy says:

    I don’t think we ever have to worry about you not have enough material for this blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Most awkward moment personally? Giving a speech on awkward moments and telling of the time my friends and I were too drunk to pull our boat out of the water and having to have a stranger do it for us. And then a guy stands up in the back of the room and says, “Remember me? I’m him.” Totally. true. story.

  6. “The bar is raised and Mike limbo’s underneath it.” Love it! This is your funniest post yet!

  7. my dr.always googles my symptoms…is that wrong? should he not be doing that? should i be afraid? continue…

  8. eof737 says:

    I must say that I like Mike… even with his goofiness. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. zencherry says:

    I about fell out of my chair laughing on: …must look like a UN meeting. Fantastic irreverence! ๐Ÿ˜€

  10. This blog is based on such an original concept. I believe we all try to hide a few things from the doctor, btw. ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. UsneakydevilU says:

    Brilliant Mike, dissing downs syndrome kids. I’m a Mike and I’ve been told that we Mike’s are great at awkward moments. Remember Mike Tyson telling a boxer, “I’m going to eat your kids”. Awkward!

  12. K.S. Schultz says:

    Why is it easy to slip into an awkward moment when you are around a do-gooder?

  13. lostnchina says:

    Could it get any mOre awkward (or hilarious)?

  14. Katelyn says:

    So funny! I agree I think this is the best one yet!

  15. DoeADeer says:

    Heres an awkward moment for you. I’m waiting in line to go to a bathroom, and I’ve been waiting for some time so I REALLY have to pee, and the handicap stall opens up. Naturally, since I’m about to pee my pants, I go ahead and use that stall. Once I’m done I go to wash my hands- and who is in the stall beside me? Oh, just a handicapped person and their assistant glaring at me for using the handicap stall and making their bathroom escapade really inconvenient. I felt like an ass.

  16. Barb says:

    It was probably an awkward moment for the doctor when you caught him googling your funny bone.

  17. Aurora, HSP says:

    Were it not for awkward moments, I may not have any life at… nice to know I am in good and plentiful company, agree with Katelyn, funny post… lol

  18. Janece says:

    This was awesome! This is the stuff that makes life so interesting ๐Ÿ™‚

    I had an awkward moment when I was in my early 20s, working for an aircraft manufacturer. I was asked to transcribe from a tape that was recorded at a crash investigation, so I did.

    It had a lot of background static, and one part was especially challenging. But I finished and gave it to my new boss. (I was actually the “new” one.)

    Suddenly I heard hysterical laughing coming from his office and then he asked me to come see him. When I sat down, he could barely stop laughing long enough to point out something on the paper.

    “Um, that should say “we used a bungy chord to wrap it with”

    What I had typed was “we used Bun G-Strings to trap it with”


  19. funny as hell, as a;ways.
    and for the record: underprivileged children from emerging nations are to be eaten, not adopted as pets.

  20. Are you sure that “Paul” isn’t a pseudonym for Brad Pitt & his partner Angelina Jolie? I think they already have that UN table. Although I think they still need a kid from Iceland.

  21. stodmor says:

    my son’s class was playing musical chairs for a halloween party one year when i pointed out it was totally unfair that one boy kept winning……he was in a wheel chair. no one found that as funny as me.

  22. Mimi Black says:

    Epic fail right there! Jowett, Sir, may I email yourself? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  23. Mimi Black says:

    Looks like my email just did – and not very well either – that’s my epic fail for the day done and dusted ๐Ÿ˜‰

  24. the master says:

    When I was a kid I was indoctrinated into the Salvation Army (I thought it was a youth club to start with), and one night we had a Junior Soldiers meeting while the Waco siege was going on. Obviously it came up during the meeting, and the woman running it said, “Now a lot of people are going to be feeling upset right now…” Before she got any further I, trying to show-off in front of my idiot mates, piped up, “Especially the ones that are dead!” At that point one of the younger adults turned and glared at me and said, “I know someone in that building!”

    Bit of a tough crowd, that was.

      • the master says:

        I’ve just thought of another one. One day I was walking home from school with my mates, and this first year kid walked by looking miserable as sin. I sarcastically said, “Cheer up, mate, it might never happen!” and the kid burst into tears. I mean full-on streams of tears. So, apparently, it already had.

        I also thought of another one, but I’ve been told never to speak of the day I forgot both my PE kit and my pants…

  25. kiratsundrani says:

    You should make a comic for your next one. I enjoyed this!

  26. Oh I live for fun awkward moments! Had a few myself in my life, including my dress flying over my head at an ATM machine in crowded downtown l.a. while wearing thung undies. People in line did not know if they should help me hold on to my money in my hand or pull my dress down…awkward!

  27. Samela says:

    Lmao … Life really is full of those hey …. Hahaha … Maybe I should post something like this on my blog !!

  28. daunaeasley says:

    “The bar is raised and Mike Limbo’s under it.” Great line! Made me laugh. I think I had a student or two who adopted that as a personal philosophy.

  29. Cave Story says:

    A doctor googling on your symptons…that is grand ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Pam Boyd says:

    love the real conversation…
    and thanks for the follow…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s