Mike’s assitants, Joel makes a claim and the boys ponder acting

Posted: October 19, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Here we are, back to normal


JOWETT: Last week I did my own post…

MIKE: We know…..

JOWETT: Just like to point out that it got the highest number of likes we have ever had….

MIKE: We know…..

JOWETT: Most comments for any post we have ever made……



JOWETT: (Laughs) Okay. Anyway, we are chilled out this week. We have made up after the last interview

MIKE: Yeah we have. I’m not going to even mention how you have annoyed me this week. Because we are friends now


JOWETT: Well you have brought it up now, so you might as well. I guarantee it’s going to be something ridiculous

MIKE: It’s not, actually


MIKE: I heard you have limited what I could have out of the mini-bar in the last hotel we stayed in

JOWETT: I simply suggested you didn’t need one. Just cutting down on expenses

MIKE: Where do you get off, Jowett? If I want a Twix, I’ll have one


MIKE: I get hungry sometimes!

JOWETT: Loads of food was bought for you all! It was all in those bags on the bus!

MIKE: (Tut’s) I’m not eating that! It was all rubbish, I didn’t like any of it

JOWETT: Joel liked it

MIKE: I know, I saw the bags placed in front of him and he rummaged through it in a frenzy, grabbed a bag of Doritos between his teeth and squirreled off in to a corner of the room


MIKE: And that’s because we hadn’t been fed. He was starving

JOWETT: This isn’t ‘Oliver’! You can feed yourselves!

MIKE: Just let me have my mini-bar, next time. Or else I’m gonna start a new feature, that I will do every week, called “What’s Jowett being a Nazi about this week”


MIKE: Next week, Jewish people!



JOWETT: Anyway, while we have been away it was one of the managers birthdays, wasn’t it? Let’s call him Bob

MIKE: Yep. Bob’s 40th

JOWETT: I mean, you have known him for a long time now, haven’t you?

RYAN: Yeah

JOWETT: Bob has done a lot for all of you and turning 40 is quite a big birthday. He had to spend his 40th birthday away from his family because he was on tour with us

MIKE: Yeah

JOWETT: So you know, you thought as it’s a big birthday, you would do something special. So you…

MIKE: Fu**ed off for the day


JOWETT: It’s touching

MIKE: We would have only ruined it. He didn’t want me around

JOWETT: Some say it’s because your still in a mood about the assistants he has hired for you

MIKE: Not at all. I mean the last two were definitely chosen to test me


JOWETT: (Laughing) What do you mean?

MIKE: You know what I mean. The second to last one had one arm


MIKE: You knew that would throw me

JOWETT: Because you’re a horrible human being?

MIKE: NO! I defy anyone to keep it together when they walk in on their assistant balancing a muffin on the end of their stump


JOWETT: Oh god, what did you say (Daft voice) “RIGHT! That’s it! Who put you up to this?”

MIKE: Pretty much

JOWETT: So what was wrong with the last one?



RYAN: (Laughing) She didn’t have one eye

MIKE: Well only one working one. The other would just stare out at an angle. I couldn’t help but look at it. Honestly when she turned up I thought “Ohh for ffffffff. Someone is taking the piss!”

JOWETT: I don’t see the problem. She could still do her job

MIKE: I’m not being funny, but I’m sure there were people as qualified as her, but with two working eyes. You would choose the person with full eye sight, not Pop….. the other one

JOWETT: No no sorry? What were you about to call her?

MIKE: Nothing

JOWETT: You weren’t about to call a woman with one eye, ‘Popeye’? were you?


MIKE: I have said my bit

JOWETT: Okay, let’s move on. You alright, Joel?

JOEL: Yeah, mate

JOWETT: You wanted to make a claim about something

JOEL: Yeah, I saw something yesterday, that I bet no one else has seen

RYAN: You know this is gonna be good


JOEL: I saw a squirrel being sick


MIKE: I really wanted him to tell him to shut up then, but the worst thing about this, is that I think he’s right

JOWETT: I know, I have never seen that. Where was this?

JOEL: The park outside the hotel. It was at the base of a tree, with one arm resting against the tree, just throwing up


MIKE: (Daft voice) “Oh my god (sick noises) that nut was off”

JOWETT: Well…well done. Keep us updated on other animals that you have seen being sick. We will m…..

JOEL: Do you know how frogs are sick?

JOWETT: (Sighs) How?

JOEL: They throw up their stomach first, then they dig out all the sick, then swallow the stomach again


MIKE: (Sceptical) That’s not true. It rummages through its stomach like a little bag?

JOWETT: Mmm it doesn’t sound right, mate. You never saw Kermit doing…. LEAVE IT!


MIKE: I wasn’t gonna say anything!

JOWETT: Good! Anyway, I heard one of you is going to do a voiceover for an advert or something, is this true?

MIKE: Nah, no one wanted to do it

JOWETT: Why? You get good money for things like that these days!

RYAN: Didn’t fancy it

JOWETT: Ever thought about doing acting?


JOWETT: Why? Some of the biggest musicians have been in films. Michael Jackson for one!

MIKE: Was he?


MIKE: Like what?

JOWETT: Ermmm he was a scarecrow in a film, that scared kids I think

MIKE: No mate, that was his private life



JOWETT: ….Goodbye







  1. Bron says:

    I am in tears just visualising the chundering squirrel! Pure gold all the way.

  2. aplscruf says:

    Crying, too…multiple visuals of stump, eye(s), PINGs, squirrel w/arm resting on the tree, frog, Nazis, Oliver with Doritos…

  3. susielindau says:

    I love that I can always count on you guys for total irreverence!! Hahaha! I will have to watch for squirrels rummaging through their bags. Better that they do it on the ground and use the tree for support than from above!

  4. so glad to know about frogsick before breakfast. thanx. continue…

  5. zencherry says:

    Y’all are rotten! 😀 Doesn’t mean it wasn’t funny though. 😉 Poor Popeye and one-armed Jack. Lol!

  6. hebeindc says:

    brilliant. god i miss british humour.

  7. Next time, I’ll know not to eat while reading your blogs! Too funny! 🙂

  8. Absolutely dig your blog…nothing is ever out of bounds. Chunk-tossing squirrels, eh? What’s next, fart-blowing rabbits?!? =)

  9. fucking hysterical. could not resist a post involving stumpies, puking squirrels and an out-of-nowhere mention of Oliver.
    Please suh? May I hahve s’more? -What the American audiences hear-
    Okay, only the ones who confuse Aussies with Brits. You know, Republicans.

  10. tootsiewoo says:

    “This isn’t Oliver! You can feed yourselves!”

    my urge to quote has been satisfied:)
    Wickedly funny, dude.

  11. At the risk of being redundant, the Oliver quote was my favorite too. I might have to use it with my daughter. Even though she won’t have any idea what I’m talking about.

  12. DEEPLY educational post!

    Squirrels generally make *me* sick, so I think the little pest was just getting some karmic comeuppance. Works for me!

  13. eof737 says:

    Love the Oliver quote… made it all sing. 🙂

  14. joem18b says:

    I was thinking that I’ve never even seen a squirrel poop. Or seen a squirrel’s poop. The little rodents are discreet about that.

  15. Blogdramedy says:

    I guess the first time you see a drunk squirrel it can be a bit of a shock. But you’ve been in that position surely? 😉

  16. UsneakydevilU says:

    Benny Hill is smiling!

  17. another pants wetting post!! loved it

  18. As said in the post: ” ….back to normal.” funny funny funny.

  19. allthethingsifound says:

    Oh God this post made me laugh so hard I was getting funny looks. I’m clearly going to Hell because the Popeye comment made me choke on my coffee with laughter. It’s like an offensive version of Karl Pilkington sometimes. So glad things are back to normal.

  20. Definately back to normal, although I did love your solo work Jowett 🙂

    Just wanted to let you know I nominated you for a versatile blogger award. Here’s the post: http://disjointedrhymings.wordpress.com/2011/10/24/versatile-blogger-award/

    if you want to accept it you need to make your own post similar to what i’ve done (7 facts about yourself and award it to other people as well). If not, that’s all right .

    Or at least, you will be nominated during my lunch break 😉

    • Thanks alot! I will do something like that again soon. Just need a good topic!

      Ah thank you! I do accept your award. But instead of making a post, we thought about doing mini interviews for the people that nominated us, as a thank you. So just send me a email if you are interested! 🙂

  21. took me a few days to get here – but worth the wait! i’m just imagining the squirrel, is it too girlish if i say ewwwww! ?

  22. another brilliant one lads!

  23. Excellent-Hilarious, glad to have been led to your blog. I’m with Mike ’bout the assistants-Just what are you bastards trying to pull, and jumped up Jesus on a pogo stick, let em’ have his Twix

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