Joel’s Dream, Disloyal cats and the truth about Perez Hilton

JOWETT: Here we are again! You alright lad’s?

RYAN: Yeah

MIKE: Yep

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: We got a good response from the last post. People liked Joel’s review of Aladdin. A lot of people, on the email, were surprised about Mike getting wound up because Joel kept getting the monkeys name wrong. He kept calling him Apu from The Simpsons, instead of Abu. But people didn’t expect Mike to know the name’s of Disney characters!

MIKE: Well, I know my cartoon monkeys!……not that I’m saying Apu is a…

JOWETT: You should probably stop there

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah

JOWETT: Anyway, Joel, I heard you talking to Ryan about a dream you had but I made you stop and save it for this, so take it away

JOEL: Erm it was weird

JOWETT: I don’t doubt that

JOEL: Well I was at home with my family sat around the dinner table and one by one they just exploded

Laughter

JOEL: And I thought ‘Oh that’s IT!’

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah. When family members start exploding, it’s time we start to look at they way we are living our lives!

JOEL: That’s was it really, I woke up after that

JOWETT: Bizzare

MIKE: I just like the idea of the look on his face while his family members blew up around him and he just sat there a threw a mild tantrum “Well you have just ruined this meal now, the atmosphere is terrible”

Laughter

JOWETT: You had another weird dream before didn’t you?

JOEL: What was that?

JOWETT: Something about a music festival? I think you said you were camping  at a music festival and there was a torrential storm with flooding and you said hundreds of people died?

JOEL: Oh yeah. And my tent got wrecked!

Laughter

JOWETT: Anything else you want to talk about

RYAN: Errmm I was talking to my ex girlfriend, right

JOWETT: Yeah?

RYAN: And she said “You talk about cats a lot on that blog. I don’t like cats” so I said why and she said “They aren’t very loyal”. So I asked her to explain what she meant and she said “When my Nan moved house, her cat refused to move with her”

Laughter

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: (Laughing) Her Nan’s cat refused to move with her

MIKE: How spoiled is that cat? You just put it in a box and bring it with you. “Come on Tibbles, let’s go” (Daft posh voice) “Err no I don’t think so, I’m going to stay here, thank you very much!”

Laughter

MIKE: “No no come on now, in to the cat basket” “NO! I wasn’t consulted about this! I haven’t seen the house! I don’t know the area! I’m staying!”

Laughter

JOEL: I have just got an image of the cat holding on to the to the door frame with its claws and her Nan trying to pull her off it

MIKE: Can you imagine when she finally gets it to the new house “See Tibbles! It’s nice isn’t it?” “…I hate you”

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah that is stupid, but please, no more cat stories

RYAN: Sorry

JOWETT: You will all probably be reincarnated as cat’s, after you die, as payback

MIKE: (Tut’s) No I wont

RYAN: Well you wont. You will come back as Kermitt’s rectum

Laughter

MIKE: For what? I’m just telling people what they need to know, those Muppet’s aren’t able to expose whats happening to them. Miss Piggy isn’t being spoken for. Poor little sod can’t even write an autobiography about her pain

RYAN:(Laughs) Write one for her

MIKE: Okay

RYAN: What would you call it?

MIKE: Errrm ‘This little piggy went to court’?

Laughter

JOWETT: Right, stop it. I want to talk about our position in the comedy blog charts

MIKE: Where are we?

JOWETT: Fourth mate, but we want third. Perez Hilton is above us

MIKE: Oh ah. Perez ‘The Racist’ Hilton

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah him. What do you make of him?

PING

MIKE: I probably shouldn’t

JOWETT: Why?

MIKE: Because of the PING

JOWETT: Mmm I didn’t hear anything…carry on

Laughter

MIKE: Why are you about to let this happen?

JOWETT: I want this blog  to be top of that humor chart

MIKE: Well , the humor chart yeah?

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: Well, I heard that, Perez Hilton thought ‘Schindlers List’ ….was a comedy

PING

Laughter

MIKE: He has a punch bag with the faces of black comedians on it

PING

Laughter

MIKE: He sat watching ‘American History X’ nodding and smiling

PING

JOWETT: Okay okay stop it now. Enough of that smear campaign, that will do. I better wrap this up. management do NOT look happy. Until next time!

Well, as probably predicted I have to point out that Perez Hilton is not racist and does not think Schindler’s list is a comedy nor does he sit ‘nodding and smiling’ while watching ‘American History X’. But please keep singing up to Bloglovin and Twitter

Not quite finished. If you want more from the lads, we did two new interviews. One with H. E. ELIIS and another with Randomville.com

Cheers!