Joel’s Dream, Disloyal cats and the truth about Perez Hilton

Posted: September 28, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

JOWETT: Here we are again! You alright lad’s?

RYAN: Yeah


JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: We got a good response from the last post. People liked Joel’s review of Aladdin. A lot of people, on the email, were surprised about Mike getting wound up because Joel kept getting the monkeys name wrong. He kept calling him Apu from The Simpsons, instead of Abu. But people didn’t expect Mike to know the name’s of Disney characters!

MIKE: Well, I know my cartoon monkeys!……not that I’m saying Apu is a…

JOWETT: You should probably stop there

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah

JOWETT: Anyway, Joel, I heard you talking to Ryan about a dream you had but I made you stop and save it for this, so take it away

JOEL: Erm it was weird

JOWETT: I don’t doubt that

JOEL: Well I was at home with my family sat around the dinner table and one by one they just exploded


JOEL: And I thought ‘Oh that’s IT!’


JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah. When family members start exploding, it’s time we start to look at they way we are living our lives!

JOEL: That’s was it really, I woke up after that

JOWETT: Bizzare

MIKE: I just like the idea of the look on his face while his family members blew up around him and he just sat there a threw a mild tantrum “Well you have just ruined this meal now, the atmosphere is terrible”


JOWETT: You had another weird dream before didn’t you?

JOEL: What was that?

JOWETT: Something about a music festival? I think you said you were camping  at a music festival and there was a torrential storm with flooding and you said hundreds of people died?

JOEL: Oh yeah. And my tent got wrecked!


JOWETT: Anything else you want to talk about

RYAN: Errmm I was talking to my ex girlfriend, right


RYAN: And she said “You talk about cats a lot on that blog. I don’t like cats” so I said why and she said “They aren’t very loyal”. So I asked her to explain what she meant and she said “When my Nan moved house, her cat refused to move with her”



RYAN: (Laughing) Her Nan’s cat refused to move with her

MIKE: How spoiled is that cat? You just put it in a box and bring it with you. “Come on Tibbles, let’s go” (Daft posh voice) “Err no I don’t think so, I’m going to stay here, thank you very much!”


MIKE: “No no come on now, in to the cat basket” “NO! I wasn’t consulted about this! I haven’t seen the house! I don’t know the area! I’m staying!”


JOEL: I have just got an image of the cat holding on to the to the door frame with its claws and her Nan trying to pull her off it

MIKE: Can you imagine when she finally gets it to the new house “See Tibbles! It’s nice isn’t it?” “…I hate you”


JOWETT: Yeah that is stupid, but please, no more cat stories

RYAN: Sorry

JOWETT: You will all probably be reincarnated as cat’s, after you die, as payback

MIKE: (Tut’s) No I wont

RYAN: Well you wont. You will come back as Kermitt’s rectum


MIKE: For what? I’m just telling people what they need to know, those Muppet’s aren’t able to expose whats happening to them. Miss Piggy isn’t being spoken for. Poor little sod can’t even write an autobiography about her pain

RYAN:(Laughs) Write one for her

MIKE: Okay

RYAN: What would you call it?

MIKE: Errrm ‘This little piggy went to court’?


JOWETT: Right, stop it. I want to talk about our position in the comedy blog charts

MIKE: Where are we?

JOWETT: Fourth mate, but we want third. Perez Hilton is above us

MIKE: Oh ah. Perez ‘The Racist’ Hilton


JOWETT: (Laughing) Yeah him. What do you make of him?


MIKE: I probably shouldn’t


MIKE: Because of the PING

JOWETT: Mmm I didn’t hear anything…carry on


MIKE: Why are you about to let this happen?

JOWETT: I want this blog  to be top of that humor chart

MIKE: Well , the humor chart yeah?


MIKE: Well, I heard that, Perez Hilton thought ‘Schindlers List’ ….was a comedy



MIKE: He has a punch bag with the faces of black comedians on it



MIKE: He sat watching ‘American History X’ nodding and smiling


JOWETT: Okay okay stop it now. Enough of that smear campaign, that will do. I better wrap this up. management do NOT look happy. Until next time!

Well, as probably predicted I have to point out that Perez Hilton is not racist and does not think Schindler’s list is a comedy nor does he sit ‘nodding and smiling’ while watching ‘American History X’. But please keep singing up to Bloglovin and Twitter

Not quite finished. If you want more from the lads, we did two new interviews. One with H. E. ELIIS and another with


  1. the master says:

    Just checking, but are we allowed to, ahem, “comment” on Perez Hilton in the comments? If so, I’ll begin.

    I heard Perez Hilton sat through American History X taking notes.
    I heard Perez Hilton rounds up stray cats and throws them into woodchippers.
    I heard Perez Hilton stole Michael Jackson’s body, made a costume out of his skin, and loiters around parks in it. I’ll leave you to speculate as to why.

    Delete as appropriate!

  2. susielindau says:

    I wonder what you will dream up next week…..Hahaha!

  3. susielindau says:

    I wonder what you will dream up next week…..Hahaha!

  4. didnt some dude combust in ireland? just out of nowhere? maybe he is psychic…

  5. Always off the wall and completely entertaining!

  6. So, in Joel’s dream, hundreds of people died in a torrential storm and he was more concerned about his tent getting wrecked? What a soft heart he has…

    Once again, this was hilarious, guys! 🙂

  7. More cats. Less Pings!

    Needed the grin this morning. Thanks as always

  8. hah, cats and their carriers.

  9. aplscruf says:

    Cats are no less intelligent than dogs…they just don’t care.

    “Kermit’s Rectum” would be a great name for a band!

    Once again, I had to contain explosive laughter at my desk…

  10. UsneakydevilU says:

    Family members heads exploding in dreams means, your going to come into some money.

    I had that dream and found $20 bucks the next day.

  11. I believe Perez Hilton was referring to the porn version called “Schindler’s Fist”. continue…

  12. D... says:

    Can I also suggest Kermit’s hemorrhoid(s)? I wasn’t sure if there was a suggestion box…

  13. When were the other nine American Hostory films made then?

  14. Even if you didn’t make me laugh, I’d probably follow just to help the cause. God, I hate that schmarmy jackass.

  15. isitthattime says:

    Firstly, I just think Tibbles was looking for an excuse to leave Grandma…he’d had enough. Secondly, someone recently sent me Kermit porn on Twitter. It was basically a close up of Kermit sans hand…it scarred my mind although I can giggle about it now. Finally…there’s a comedy blog chart???? Me want!! Always a chuckle…thanks guys!

  16. isitthattime says:

    Another thing, if family members did blow up for real…apart from the mess, sometimes life would be easier. Oh, and Perez Hilton is a well known twat…but sadly a twat with access to far too many places.

  17. zencherry says:

    Poor Miss Piggy. 😀 (I think she secretly is a masochist so perhaps that little piggy went back for more instead of court?)

  18. eof737 says:

    Quite the vivid dream there… psychedelic potions involved? 😆

  19. joem18b says:

    I think that this CGI you hear about all the time is affecting dreams. More explosions and like that.

  20. I wish my relatives would explode, there’s quite a few relatives I could think of that I’d be quite thrilled to see explode before my eyes, even if it meant cleaning up a bit of a mess. As for the cats, I’m with the girlfriend, cats aren’t loyal, and they’re way too aloof. I love my dog!

  21. Loves cats and weird dreams = love the post.

  22. The Hook says:

    Perez Hilton is the Devil, that’s what some people believe.

  23. I wonder if I could move and get my cat to stay behind. -Bongo

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