Mike is being watched and Joel’s film review returns!

Posted: September 22, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , ,


RYAN: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Hello, Mike?

MIKE: What?

JOWETT: Why are you staring out at management

MIKE: Because they started staring at me for some reason

JOWETT: So you thought you would stare back, yeah?

MIKE: Yeah


JOWETT: They all do seem to be staring at you

MIKE: I don’t know why they are doing it

JOWETT: They are probably just keeping an eye on what you are gonna say, with their finger above the PING button

MIKE: I haven’t said anything that bad in ages

JOWETT: You said that thing about Miss Piggy and Brian Henson

MIKE: (Tut’s) So?

RYAN: I know they didn’t like it

MIKE: Really?

RYAN: Yeah

MIKE: Well I have an update on Brian Henson

JOWETT: Don’t do it you idiot

MIKE: Right, err Kermit was jealous of what Brian did to Miss Piggy, so he slept with Brian’s wife, she had a child but maintained that it was Brian’s, but Mr Henson was suspicious (daft voice) “I keep coming home to find our child sat in the middle of the stairs playing the BANJO signing errr ‘It’s not easy being greatly unloved’. And WHAT is the deal with his eyes? They are like fu**in PING PONG BALLS!


MIKE: “And when he laughs his arms flail about! I swear to god, Mary, if he ‘welcomes me to the Muppet show’ once more I wont be held responsible for my actions!”


MIKE: There is more to the Henson Corporation than meets the eye! I’m just a whistle-blower! Kermit fought for his rights to see that kid, he dressed as batman and tied himself to the London eye

JOWETT: Mike, stop it

MIKE: NO! What about Beaker!?


MIKE: The poor bastard! He obviously had a speech impediment or maybe even a disability, but he was ignored!

JOWETT: (Laughing) They didn’t even bother to press the PING button. They just sat shaking their heads. That was unnecessary though. Were you awkward and spiteful when you were little?

MIKE: Mmm yeah, my mum says I was. She reckons if I could have done, I would have been born holding a pool cue sideways


MIKE: Anyway, I don’t know what they are worried about. What are Jim Henson Productions gonna do? They aren’t Disney! Now them I’m scared of! That’s why I’m against this film review Joel is going to do. Careful what you say, Joel

JOWETT: Stop talking about Muppet’s now, the last few posts have been too Muppet-heavy

MIKE: Muppet-heavy was Big Birds nickname



JOWETT: Anyway, Joel is going to do a review of Aladdin. Take it away Joel

JOEL: Right, there is this evil wizard called Jafar and his parrot who need a magic lamp from a cave. They need a tramp to go into this cave to get this lamp.

JOWETT: Already a PC nightmare, go on

JOEL: Well not necessarily a tramp, they said a ‘diamond in the rough’ so that could be anyone with a problem or a character flaw, so drug addicts, people with odd beliefs

JOWETT: I don’t know where to start. Hitler had ‘odd beliefs’ was he a ‘diamond in the rough’?

MIKE: (Laughs) Yeah yeah, that’s what they call pedophiles in prison and why they get a hard time in there “You Fu**kin diamond in rough! Like children do ya!”

RYAN: Mangement have handed me a peice of paper that says ‘stop making controversial understatements’

JOEL: So, anyway, they find a tramp with a pet monkey called Apu…

MIKE: Abu mate, Apu is the indian shopkeeper from The Simpsons


JOEL: Yeah, he had happened to become mates with the princess, Jasmine, which gets him bang in trouble and he get’s arrested because the guards think they he is trying to kidnap or rape….



JOEL: Anyway while he is in prison, Jafar, disguised as an old man, releases Aladdin and Apu from prison

MIKE: Abu!

JOWETT: Leave it

JOEL: Anyway, he leads them to the Cave. Before he goes in to the cave the tiger-shaped head of the cave says to touch nothing but the lamp. Aladdin and Abu enter the cave, they find a magic carpet and it guides them to the lamp. Apu tries to steal a ruby causes the cave to start collapsing,

MIKE: (Apu impression)”Thank you, come again!”


JOEL: The carpet flies them to the entrance. As Aladdin tries to give the lamp to Jafar, he tries to kill him. But Apu bites Jafar and gets the lamp back as he, the carpet and Aladdin fall back into the cave just as it closes. In the cave. Aladdin rubs the lamp, out comes Robin Williams, who reveals he will grant Aladdin three wishes. Aladdin decides to use his first wish to become a prince so he can chat up Jasmine


JOEL: Aladdin returns just as Jafar tries to trick Jasmine’s old man into arranging a marriage between himself and Jasmine. Jasmine isn’t into Aladdin at first but then she falls for him. Afterwards, Aladdin is captured by Jafar and thrown into the ocean, but Robin Williams rescues Aladdin as his second wish. Aladdin returns to the palace, kicks off and Jafar legs it after noticing the lamp in Aladdin’s pocket. The parrot steals the lamp and brings it to Jafar, who becomes Robin Williams new master. He uses it to become powerful and stuff. Aladdin comes back swinging and beats him and Aladdin marries Jasmine


JOWETT: Well……Mike, thoughts?

MIKE: I think Walt’s head is spinning in its fridge


JOWETT: I liked it

RYAN: That sounded patronising

JOEL: It did a bit

JOWETT: Nah, I may to talk to you like you’re stupid sometimes but

JOEL: I never say anything to warrant that though

JOWETT: Oh get out! Come on Joel

JOEL: It reminds me of my ex ex girlfriend. She used to talk to me like I was stupid

JOWETT: (Laughs) Yeah? Give me an example

JOEL: Ermmm before I met her family for the first time at a BBQ, she cornered me and said “When you talk to them, don’t make any jokes about disabled people, they won’t like it”


JOWETT: (Laughs) Ahh brilliant. Yeah fair enough, gotta give you some credit haven’t you

JOEL: I think so

JOWETT: Okay let’s wrap this up! Until next time!

  1. oh boys. youve outdone yourself. this has to be my favourite to date!

  2. Pigeon Heart says:

    Ha! Muppet sex and naughty Aladin. Loves it.

  3. susielindau says:

    This comment thread is hilarious! Being from the States I love all the British expressions too. Now I have to clean up the coffee on my computer screen……

  4. Beaker always gave me nightmares. Very disturbing, actually the entire crew of Muppets gave me the creeps as a child. Especially the life sized ones. This, what you have done here, is brilliant. I’m a follower now, should be fun!

    • Thanks for making me laugh. Funny narration with a twist, although I kind of twisted my back while laughing. You definitely changed my concept of The muppets and aladdin. You know something happened in the prison right? Cool post!

  5. “controversial understatements” terrific phrase. continue…

  6. “Hitler had ‘odd beliefs’–was he a ‘diamond in the rough?'”

    HAHAHAHA!!! That’s terrific. Hilarious post–but you know, the Muppets ARE owned by Disney now, right? So you’ve made Walt’s head spin its fridge twice over… Well done…

  7. sherbertbomb says:

    I love this! FOLLOWED.

  8. mindwarpfx says:

    Grr8 love it!! good stuff you have here. Thanks for your reads of my thoughts on my blog as well. Cheers to you. CYA SOON! All the best!

  9. sarahplainnsimp says:

    THIS I love! I had no idea why I awoke at the unGodly hour of 3am. Now I know. This is funny shit right here!

  10. “MIKE: I think Walt’s head is spinning in its fridge”
    ROFLMAO!!!! Still! The next day and I’m still laughing. What a visual

    I only hope that I like your music as much as I like your conversations. Continue to freak out your lawyers and managers because you guys are hilarious!

  11. missumerica says:

    Rock on, guys! I’m digging the posts and enjoying the ride. I’m also tossing out another Versatile Blogger award to add to your pile. Cheerio, Mates! (Yanks sound like such asses when they try and mimic the accent don’t they?)

  12. I love Beaker… Poor sap! Great discussion as always!

  13. Gonzo was my favorite muppet. I also loved the Hitler line – too funny. Great post!!

  14. aplscruf says:

    Thanks for the interview, lads! http://randomville.com/wordpress/?p=12162
    Just potty…

  15. alanschuyler says:

    Images I won’t be able to get out of my head. Poor Kermit.

  16. Muppets and Aladdin-two things that make me laugh! Your post makes three!

  17. eof737 says:

    Glad to connect… This is hysterical! 🙂

  18. jimmie chew says:

    I am passing on the Versatile blogger award to you!!
    (see my blog for details if you have time)

  19. I ve seen Brian Henson’s kid…go kermit..
    love you guys!!

  20. the master says:

    Sorry I’ve been a bit quiet of late, my internet broke. I done fixed it now, though, and can I say, it’s good to be back! Can I also say, congrats on being Fourth Funniest British Blog! Well deserved, but out of idle curiosity, who came 1, 2 and 3?

  21. “I think Walt’s head is spinning in its fridge”

  22. The Hook says:

    This was awesome!

  23. krissnp says:

    Interesting Blog.

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