Talk of roadie’s, celebrity spat’s and Paedophile clown’s

Posted: August 11, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Get On the Band Wagon!

JOWETT: Erm first off, out of interest, what do you make of the troubles in London at the moment?

RYAN: Mmm it is a bit mental, with all the setting sh*t on fire and robbing shops


MIKE: I’m worried about it

JOWETT: This better be a serious point your about to make, mate

MIKE: It is! My dad works in that part of London I will have you know!

JOWETT: Oh right, sorry

MIKE: Yeah! I’m worried he’s not going to rob me the right size trainers from Footlocker


JOWETT: I’m never throwing a serious question to you ever again. Anyway I got an email asking if you lot have ever slagged off one of these celebrities to their face. Have you?

RYAN: Well a few years back we were supposed to go to this music awards show and we saw the awards list of people going and noticed that ‘The Kooks’ were gonna be there too. So, Mike despises the front man of ‘The Kooks’ and has slated him so many times but never crossed paths

JOWETT: So Mike saw this as an opportunity?

RYAN: Yeah he relished that, when he found out that they were both going to be in the same room, he started drinking three days before the event


RYAN:  So he was gonna have his moment, there would be no holding back

JOWETT: Ahh what happened?

RYAN: He got interviewed at the beginning of the night and he said to this reporter “When are The Kooks on?” She said something like “at about 10 o’clock” and he just stared down the lens of the TV camera and said “Well, at that point i’ll be having a sh*t”. That was the last we saw of him, he passed out on a table


JOWETT: Well, good stuff. Erm I want to talk about this story that your roadie was telling you earlier, I think Joel would like it

RYAN: Well, right one of our roadie’s is weird


RYAN: Well they are all weird, but one in particular, needs help


MIKE: He is just weird, man. Honestly get him on these interviews and you will see why. I can’t talk to him for more than a few minutes without cracking up, he comes out with some stuff

RYAN: I don’t think we can have him on these interviews because he has some strange views on things

JOWETT: I see, well, what’s his name?

MIKE: Well..

RYAN: Don’t give out his name, he’s dangerous


MIKE: (Laughter) He’s not, he’s just a bit odd. Erm we will refer to him as ‘Bean Bag’

JOWETT: (Laughing) Why?

MIKE: Because I told him once he looked like one, but with glasses and a curly wig placed on top of it


JOWETT: Bet he loved that

MIKE: Well that’s when I first met him, now, if i had known back then, what I know now, I wouldn’t have even talked to him

JOWETT: Aww that’s a bit harsh

MIKE: (To Ryan) Remember what happened to him after he had only been working for us for about a month?

RYAN: Yeah. Police came to one of our shows while the stage was being set up, and arrested him on charge of attempted rape

JOWETT: Christ!

MIKE: Remember what he said when they told him he was being arrested for attempted rape?


RYAN: After the policeman said “I’m arresting you on suspicion of attempted rape” he said “Oh not again”


JOWETT: (Laughing) Oh my god

RYAN: Should probably point out that he was found innocent and they let him go

JOWETT: Well yeah, probably

RYAN: He means well and he’s a bloody good roadie…he’s just odd

JOWETT: Come on then, explain why, just give us one example

MIKE: Erm off the top of my head, he has that death book


MIKE: He has this book, which is from some Japanese comic, right, and he was explaining to Ryan how it works. He reckons, if you want someone to DIE you write their name in this book AND how you would like them to meet their maker, and then it will happen


JOWETT: Your not serious?

RYAN: Yeah, he is mate

JOWETT: has he tried to use it?

MIKE: Well, he told us he hadn’t disliked someone strongly enough to use it against them, because of its power


MIKE: BUT we know that’s a lie because we found it, had a look through it and in the middle page of the book was the name ‘Hallie Berry’


JOWETT: (Laughing) What!?

MIKE: Yeah. He hadn’t written down how he would like her to perish but you know, still. I mean I don’t know what she has done in paticular to piss him off

RYAN: (Put’s on creepy angry voice) “Catwoman shouldn’t be black! She’s ruined it forever!”


JOWETT: I see, he’s in to all that stuff then. Comic books, Japanese Cartoons…

MIKE: Knives

RYAN: Wolves

JOWETT: Stop! stop! He’s into what?

MIKE: Yeah he has a collection of knives and he has some fascination with wolves, but that’s not really relevant


RYAN: Oh! We aren’t too sure where his sexuality lie’s because he has this list of people who are on tour with us that he would sleep with, in order, men and women

JOWETT: RIGHT! I’m not having this! I have been hanging out with you lot and been on tour with you for ages now and you have only just thought to bring this up? It’s Bollocks!

MIKE: Invite him in to the next interview mate and see for yourself! He’s not shy about talking about himself, just don’t patronise him, because then he knows your taking the piss and he clams up then

JOWETT: Hmm okay. I am going to have to see about this. Anyway tell this story that Joel wants to hear

RYAN: Oh yeah. There was this babysitter hired to look after a baby because it’s parents had gone out for the night. The baby is left upstairs and the sitter has a monitor she can hear the baby on if it cries. Anyway, she hears the baby crying so she goes up to see if it’s okay. She comforts the baby untill it goes back to sleep and then she goes back downstairs. After a few minutes the baby starts crying again, so she goes back up, comforts it to sleep and goes back down stairs. It happens a third time, so she goes upstairs and comforts the baby back to sleep again. Before she goes back down stairs she looks around the room to see what could be upsetting the baby. The only thing she could think of is a big clown doll that is sat upright on the other side of the room. So she calls up the baby’s mum and says “The baby keeps crying, I think it’s the clown doll she has at the bottom of the room, shall i move it?” and the mother says “What clown doll”


JOWETT: For the purpose of the tape, the reason we laughed then is because we all turned in unison to look at Joel, who had his mouth wide open in shock

RYAN: Anyway, it turns out that this ‘clown doll’ was a nut job paedophile that had broken in

JOWETT: I mean im guessing you assume this story isn’t true

RYAN: Obviously, it came from the mouth of a nut case so…

JOEL: Still scary though! Can you imagine finding that in your bedroom!?

JOWETT: (Laughs) Yeah, suppose. Anyway I think we better wrap this up! Next week we might introduce ‘Bean bag’


JOWETT: Until next time! Look at Joel walking off already! Got to be somewhere mate?

JOEL: Dying for the toilet!

JOWETT: Go on then!

(Sound of Joel leaving the room)

JOWETT: So who want’s to chip in for a big clown doll to put in his room?


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  1. Blogdramedy says:

    Before you leave the clown in Joel’s room have him read Stephen King’s novel “It.” Just for fun. 🙂

  2. the master says:

    That is one creepy arse story, real or not. I am definitely telling it to my nephew!

  3. sheila7697 says:

    Sounds like a practical joke in the making. You’ll have to do a follow-up post on the reaction to the clown!

  4. Vlora says:

    Kudos! What a neat way of tihknnig about it.

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