Polar Bears, Twitter and splitting atoms in a kitchen

Posted: August 8, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Get On the Band Wagon!



RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOEL: Alright

JOWETT: We got more good responses about Joel’s review. We will do more reviews in later posts while we ask for suggestions from the readers. I have put the word out on Twitter. I was looking at some of the trending topics on Twitter and have been trying to incorporate them into promotion for the blog

MIKE: Like what?

JOWETT: Like, for example, one trending topic was #getsonmynerves. I can’t remember what I did for that one. Michael, what gets on your nerves?

MIKE: Parkinsons


JOWETT: Ah and with one word he has forced me to move on. Erm we have had some email’s regarding your cat, Joel

JOEL: Oh yeah?

JOWETT: Mmm yeah. What is its name?

JOEL: Spam

JOWETT: What? Spam?

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: As in the food or junk mail?

JOEL: The food


JOWETT: I mean you’re looking at me like you can’t understand why this is a weird question

JOEL: My dad liked Monty Python and I think it was something to do with a joke from their show

MIKE: So, hang on (Laughs) When your mum had to call the cat to come indoors, she had to stand on the porch and shout “Spam!”


JOEL: Yeah, he told me he put that into consideration when he named it that

MIKE: Genius

JOWETT: Your neighbours must have thought your mum was mad “That woman is shouting spam into the street again”


JOWETT: Okay erm let’s have a look at some news stories. First off, Heather Mills has been in the news

MIKE: Why? She raped another Beatle? Ping



MIKE: Psychic!

JOWETT: (Laughing) Not really mate, we all knew that noise was gonna follow a comment like that. Anyway she had her phone hacked or something


MIKE: Yeah, next story, Jowett

JOWETT: Erm a polar bear has killed a youth in Norway

RYAN: Really?

JOWETT: Yeah. Apparently it wandered into a youth camp and attacked…. You know what, I just read out the words Polar bear, killings, Norway and youth camp, noticed the smile on Mike’s face and can practically read the joke’s in his head


JOWETT: Yeah yeah it’s alright, it’s alright, I stopped it

RYAN: I saw the smile, but it is going to have to be pretty tenuous to link a polar bear to the event I think your on about

JOWETT: I know, but just to be safe

RYAN: Go on, what was it along the lines of?

MIKE: I think he’s got a polar bear teddy in prison that he’s using to do voodoo

JOWETT: Yeah sure, right let’s..

JOEL: Or he trained them to carry on his work after he’s gone



MIKE: (Laughing) A bit like Jesus!




JOWETT: I’m not sure how I lost that, even when I thought I had nipped an offensive joke in the bud I managed to let a WORSE joke manifest

MIKE: Next story then

JOWETT: Thank you Mike for moving this along ermm a bloke in Sweden has been arrested after trying to build a nuclear reactor in his flat

RYAN: Go on

JOWETT: Erm says here “A Swedish man has been arrested after he was discovered trying to build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen. Richard Handl wrote a blog about his experiment, including his use of radioactive elements radium, americium and uranium in his flat. Amazingly, Mr Handl was only arrested after he sent a question to Sweden’s Radiation Authority, asking if what he was doing was illegal. The Swedish government responded by sending the police to his flat and arresting him on charges of unauthorised possession of nuclear materials. Mr Handl said he had ‘always been interested in physics and chemistry’ and wanted to ‘see if it’s possible to split atoms at home’

MIKE: What a fool

JOWETT: Mr Handl could face two years in prison if convicted but that hasn’t stopped him updating his blog with numerous links to the news coverage he has received since his arrest last month. (Laughs) Gotta love the commitment from him, still updating his blog

MIKE: I would have liked to see the last entry just before he was rumbled  (Bad Swedish accent) “I think somebody is at the door”


JOWETT: Just after he’s been arrested (Similar bad Swedish accent) “So, here’s a turn up for the book’s. I’m going away for a while”

RYAN: So he even asked the Swedish radiation authority to see if it was illegal

MIKE: Of course it’s fu**ing illegal though! Like at what stage did he have to ask himself “Is this illegal?” When he was wearing goggles and holding a glowing green orb with oven mitts


JOWETT: Yeah, I like to think he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and thought “Hmmmm is this weird?”

MIKE: I want to see the conversation between himself and the Swedish radiation authority. “I have a question, just out of interest, hypothetically, would it illegal to try to SPLIT AN ATOM in my kitchen?” “(Laughs) Erm yeah just a bit illegal” “…Oh” “Why? Have you been trying to split an atom in your kitchen?” “(Sniggers) Noooooo, no way,erm gotta go, my walls are melting”


JOWETT: Right we better wrap this up! Until next time!

Keep liking the Facebook page here http://www.facebook.com/Imonthebandwagon and Follow us on Twitter here http://twitter.com/jowettbandwagon

  1. Blogdramedy says:

    Okay…you made me laugh out loud with this one. Excellent humour…I love how your mind works.

    If it’s okay with you, I’d like to feature “I’m on the Bandwagon” on Blogdramedy in one of my BOOB! episodes (BOOB! Blogs of Other Bloggers.) I’ll post it sometime this month and give you a heads up.

    Laughing as I type,

  2. KJ says:

    Bloody hilarious!

  3. Parkinsons #getsonmynerves…that’s just wrong…and hilarious.

  4. Mauen says:

    Why is it illegal to make a fission reactor in your own home? People have been making fusion reactors for years.There’s not really much of a difference. Then again, those Europeans always have been more uptight about stuff like that then us in North America (I’m Canadian, and there are TONS of Americans who have documented the creation of there fusion chambers; do a google search)
    Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to keep any wacky science projects on this side of the “pond” 😛

  5. tjcuzns says:

    Well done and a great read.I am impressed you kept the profanity down.Oh I read an update on the Norway story.It turns out it was a bi-polar bear.Sorry I just couldn’t resist it.

  6. leemcgowan says:

    twisted and funny, my favourite combination.

  7. Roshni says:

    WOW! Awesome! I couldn’t help laughing out loud at this one! especially towards the last! Loved it!! 🙂

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