Disabled movie characters and an alien monkey

Posted: July 26, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Get On the Band Wagon!

JOWETT: Alright lad’s?

MIKE: Yeah

RYAN: Yeah

JOWETT: Just finished doing a charity gig have ya?


JOWETT: Who for? Actually judging by your target audience, crack heads?

MIKE: No, we don’t perform for crack heads, Jowett

JOWETT: You should, if it wasn’t for those crack heads you wouldn’t have a career! Drugs ruin lives, Mike!

MIKE: Well they didn’t ruin mine, so get on that


JOWETT: (Laughing) Mike there with the first comment to get us in trouble. Okay let’s move on. I saw a blog earlier that was on about first love. I don’t want to spend too much time on this so I will only ask one of you. JOEL, who was your first love?

JOEL: Erm this girl at school. I used to tease her and twang her bra strap

MIKE: Is this how you lost your job as a substitute teacher?


JOWETT: Okay Joel, please just prove him wrong, for the sake of our jobs

JOEL: Yeah I was in school at the time, year 8 I think

JOWETT: Good. Erm I heard the other day that you have never seen ‘Forrest Gump’. Is that true?

RYAN: I can’t believe this

JOEL: Nah never seen it

MIKE: (Smiling) Joel, tell them why you have never seen it

JOEL: I don’t like films about disabled people


JOWETT: Right, Mike you have clearly done this on purpose because you knew he would say something mad. I don’t think I want to go down this road

JOEL: No, I don’t have anything against people with disabilities, I just prefer happier films

JOWETT: Well, that’s sorta nice, in a way. Looks like your plan was ruined, Mike

MIKE: It’s coming

JOEL: I didn’t even like ‘Finding Nemo’


JOWETT: That film isn’t about disability, mate

JOEL: He had a dodgy fin didn’t he? Well then

JOWETT: Okay give me another example

JOEL: ‘Hunchback Of Notredam’

MIKE: BOOM! And we have a winner!


JOWETT: Oh god. Wait a second…how is he disabled?

JOEL: Well….Come on


MIKE: He wasn’t disabled, just a freak


JOWETT: (Laughing) You can’t say that!

MIKE: It’s a Fu**ing cartoon! Anyway wasn’t he stupidly strong and could climb buildings? Can he be put in the superhero bracket?

JOWETT: Your going to compare him to spiderman aren’t you…

JOEL: I suppose he is like a super disabled person


JOWETT: So what, he was bitten by a radioactive sufferer of down syndrome?

Some laughter some shocked faces

RYAN: That’s the worst thing you have ever said

JOWETT: RIGHT! This is getting out of hand. I don’t even know if this can be used

MIKE: You know spiderman? When he got bitten, why did he just accept it and go home?

JOWETT: What? Well what would you have done?

MIKE: Grabbed the bloke showing them around and say “These spiders that you are fu**ing about with, one just bit me, im suing!”


JOWETT: Okay let’s move on to something light-hearted. I have a story here. MONKEY MISTAKEN FOR ALIEN!


MIKE: I like it already

JOWETT: “People in the Chinese village Gezhai became hysterical this week when they found an emancipated monkey that they mistakenly thought was an alien. Mao Xiping found the malnourished monkey stealing cucumbers from her apartment and mistook it for an alien”


MIKE: Oh yeah, because aliens fu**ing love cucumbers!

JOWETT: “At first she thought it was a rabbit until she noticed it had a ‘alien face’ and her neighbours agreed it must be a creature from space


JOWETT: “She called the police but the local police station thought it was a prank so she took it to the police station and demanded they arrested it


MIKE: Imagine that phone call “Hello, I have E.T here, he is eating cucumbers, can you send an armed unit to my house please?”

JOWETT: I think that story saved us. Right! Let’s end this. Goodbye from everyone!

RYAN: Bye!

MIKE: Bye!





  1. She thought it was a rabbit? How big are rabbits in China?!

  2. Blogdramedy says:

    Mike’s the shit disturber, isn’t he. Quite the cast of characters you’ve got going here…I can only imagine the stuff you can’t write about. 😉

  3. April Lugod says:

    I really needed good jokes, I’m glad I got to read it 🙂

  4. Bevie Lopez says:

    Hahaha! A+ xD

  5. totsymae1011 says:

    You guys are crazy!

    I felt like a fly on the wall reading this.

  6. riggledo says:

    I know it’s just wrong, but I’m crying at the “radioactive person with Downs Syndrome” line!

  7. aplscruf says:

    Wait…was that monkey “emaciated”…? NOT “emancipated!” He wasn’t a “free” monkey, right? Just starving!
    Gawd, I’m glad I’m at lunch while laughing at my desk!

  8. zencherry says:

    MIKE: Is this how you lost your job as a substitute teacher?

    Genius Mike. Flipping brilliant. 😀

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