How to defeat the creepy little girl from ‘The Ring’ and other impressions

Posted: June 13, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , ,

Get On the Band Wagon!






Back again. I dont know why I write this little bit at the beginning anymore, you know the deal….

JOWETT: Hello! Back again for a new interview with Ryan, Mike and Joel

MIKE: Hello

RYAN: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Joel is becoming a bit of a permanent fixture on these posts isn’t he?

RYAN: He is yeah

JOWETT: Do you enjoy doing these, Joel?

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: Good. I had noticed you don’t say much while you are actually on tape though

JOEL: Yeah well

JOWETT: So to get you more involved I have asked you to do something haven’t I?

JOEL: Yeah

JOWETT: Go on,  explain

JOEL: You have told me to do a film review of any film that I wanted

JOWETT: Yep. And what film did you choose?

JOEL: ‘The Ring’


JOWETT: Ignore them, Joel, I don’t know why they are laughing

MIKE: It’s not exactly a recent film is it? People usually review recent films that other people haven’t seen

JOEL: I hadn’t seen it, I only watched it the other day

MIKE: That’s not my point….

JOWETT: Leave it. Go on Joel why did you review it?

JOEL: Well, I hadn’t seen it before and I heard it was good

JOWETT: Fair enough. Take it away…

JOEL: Now?


JOEL: Okay. Erm The Ring. It starts off with these two girls talking about a cursed video tape at a sleepover

JOWETT: I’m gonna stop you there Joel, You are probably better off summarising it than actually going through the whole script, it’s a long film


JOEL: Okay. There is this video tape that is cursed and is killing anyone who watches it, right?


JOEL: Whenever someone watches it, they get a phone call straight after telling them that they are going to die in seven days. Then after seven days a girl climbs through the TV and kills you


JOEL: So the film follows a reporter that is trying to find out information about the film and her son accidentally watches it and so she tries to save him

JOWETT: Yeah..

JOEL: Well that’s it really

JOWETT: (Sarcastically) Brilliant


JOWETT: That’s it is it? You haven’t told us what you think of it or anything!

JOEL: Well it went on a bit and it wasn’t very realistic


JOWETT: (Sarcastically) REALLY!? a film about a girl that comes through the TV and kills you, seven days after watching a video! That’s not realistic enough for you?

JOEL: Well obviously, but I noticed some flaws in the plot

JOWETT: Go on…

JOEL: Even if i had watched that tape, i reckon I could have avoided dying


JOEL: Well you have seven days to come up with a plan on how to avoid getting caught. That’s plenty of time to come up with a plan of action!


JOWETT: So you would have brain stormed it would ya?

JOEL: Yeah. I came up with a few ideas actually

JOWETT: Oh god, this should be good, Go on….

JOEL: Firstly, you could just get rid of your TV

Laughter from all over the room


JOEL: Secondly, if you don’t want to get rid of your TV because it was expensive or something, on the seventh day, just turn the TV on its front and sit on it

Laughter again from all over. This went on for quite a while

JOWETT: I’m dying here Joel, I can’t breathe mate

JOEL: The last one I thought of was, on the seventh day, tell all of you’re mates to tool up, get them all round your house, sit in front of the TV, and wait for her..

JOWETT: (While laughing) Genius, he’s a fu*king genius!

Laughter again for a bit

JOWETT: Oh christ. Well! Thank you Joel!

MIKE: That was quite good

RYAN: It was

JOWETT: You should speak more often, honestly

JOEL: Maybe

JOWETT: What else can you do?

JOEL: I can do impressions

JOWETT: Right. That’s not going to work on a written format….but i kinda want to hear them anyway. Do one quickly

JOEL: (Weird high-pitched voice) Hello everyone

JOWETT: James Blunt?

JOEL: Close, Kermit the frog


JOWETT: How is that close?

JOEL: Same voice pitch frequency

JOWETT: But one is made out of felt!

RYAN: Who else can you do?

JOEL: Erm (Same weird high-pitched voice) This post is sponsored by the letter A


JOWETT: Right, James blunt was never on Sesame Street

JOEL: It was elmo!

JOWETT: Can you do any celebrities that aren’t made out of fury material?

JOEL: Err depends, what was Gonzo?

JOWETT: A muppet

JOEL: Then no


JOWETT: Right I think it’s time we ended this. Thank’s for reading! Until next time! Goodbye

A little more lighthearted and less liable this week! I realised most of it was just just four idiots giggling and am awaiting a cease and desist email from the creator of the Teletubbies.  Keep spreading the word!

  1. Lisa Vankula-Donovan says:

    Ha! Love these types of convos. Good stuff.

  2. Tilly Bud says:

    Your friend is a genius 🙂

  3. the master says:

    Quite liked The Ring remake, more so than the Japanese original (admittedly that might have something to do with Naomi Watts being in it). Joel has some interesting ideas, but there are some problems with his suggestions.

    * Getting rid of the TV won’t help because she’s a ghost and can presumably appear wherever she wants.
    * Turning the TV on it’s front won’t help because she’s a ghost and can presumably pass through the floor and pop back up again.
    * Getting tooled up won’t help because she’s a ghost and presumably the bullets will go right through her.

    Really, the ideal solution would be to show the video to a neighbour you don’t like, then unplug or steal his phone so he gets no warning.

  4. Ells says:

    Actually… I thought James Blunt DID appear on Sesame Street – Didn’t he do a version of You’re Beautiful with the lyrics My Triangle? Or was that just an internet-viral-spoof thingy….? Pretty sure it’s on Youtube.

    Now I am confused…

    Funny conversation though.

  5. Blogdramedy says:

    Well done, you!

    I’ll be back on day eight to read more…must go rent “The Ring.” 😉

    • Joel suggests that you do. But just to cover ourselves, we aren’t responsible for anything that happens to you as a result from watching ‘The Ring’, Especially if his methods don’t work because someone below has already pointed out that, obviously she is a ghost and therefore his methods WONT WORK

      Cheers 🙂

  6. Joel…. marry me.
    i love the fact that the only distinguishable difference between James Blunt and Kermit is the felt issue. not the fact that Kermit has serious points on life, and James Blunt is frankly just annoying. lol

    • yeah you are right, but honestly if you had heard it, both impressions sounded the same. He has now ruined kermit the frog for me

      and I will put forward you’re proposal to Joel 🙂

      • my sister has a miss piggy impression that sounds like apu from the simpsons. it seems like between them they could wipe out the whole muppet crew for us. god damn them!

      • I informed Joel of this and he just look bemused. I understand you though, i have banned impressions of my favourite puppets, from now on

  7. hysterical. that movie scared the hell out of me- love his suggestions!

  8. isitthattime says:

    This cracked me up but it’s so true! Just smash the Telly and there’s no worries…claim on the insurance & pray the new TV wasn’t made in the same batch as the dead one. Sorted!

  9. mario says:

    This was GREAT! Ah man I’ve got to share this…

  10. susielindau says:

    I am so glad you reposted this! You should really consider doing more movie reviews Joel! Hahaha! I love the idea to have all you mates “tool up” and wait in front of the TV!! Too funny!

  11. forsythkid says:

    I was enthralled! you have a funny way of writing. Seriously good stuff. Thanks!

  12. I just watched it again the other day. I remember liking it when it came out, I saw it in the theater and I did that primarily due to the fact that I was on a Japanese Horror kick and I knew that it had been inspired by “Ringu” and of course, because Naomi Watts was in it. This second viewing left me less turned on. I guess because I can’t figure out who created the video of creepy girl…other than the asylum interview footage…which, of course, isn’t on the tape that people watch and die. Did I miss something. Oh yeah, after seeing it in the theater, I rented the Japanese version which I thought was kinda lackluster.

  13. wingoov says:

    Hahahhahahar! Okay, this is the first post of yours I’ve read…I mean, beyond your “about” introduction…and I am just sitting here, cracking up! This Joel dude is a bloomin’ genius! I mean…just sit on the friggin’ television! I love it!!! Why did no one think of this before…?!! Sounds like you and the band are enjoying your travels together…I look forward to reading more…

  14. zencherry says:

    I’m w/Joel. I’d have gotten people together and would have been waiting on that girl Ghost Recon-style.


  15. Maxi says:

    …just sit on it, and wait. Love it.

  16. tootsiewoo says:

    I obviously watch horror movies with the wrong people, that was brilliant! You could also disguise yourself as the girl from the Ring and freak her out a bit when she comes to get you.

  17. ya i love the “just sit on it and wait” cracks me up … just kills me! LMAO!

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