Stabbings and famous pervy dwarfs

Posted: June 9, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , ,

Get On the Band Wagon!



New Interview! You know the score


JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Howdy

MIKE: Hello

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: Right, remember last week when i got you to review King-Dom’s tracks that he sent us?

RYAN: Yeah?

MIKE: God, he hasn’t sent more has he?

JOWETT: Not quite. I have his mobile number here and he asked me to ring his during the next interview and put it on speakerphone


MIKE: You are joking?


RYAN: Why?

JOWETT: He wants a word. He’s a fan

RYAN: But he doesn’t know who we are

JOWETT: Yeah (Pause) about that…

MIKE: You fffff

JOWETT: It was an accident! I sorta slipped up and gave out vital information and he guessed. He wont tell anyone, if he does, we’ll kill him. Anyway I’m going to ring it now

MIKE: I can’t believe this

RYAN: I know. Shocking!

JOWETT: Shut up its ringing!

(Pause while sound of ring tone plays)

KING-DOM: Hello?



JOWETT: It’s Jowett. You alright mate?

KING-DOM: Yeah thanks mate!

JOWETT: Say hello to Dom, Ryan

RYAN: Hello mate!

KING-DOM: Hello!


MIKE: Do one you talentless little toad


JOWETT: (Laughing) MICHAEL! I’m sorry about that Dom, he doesn’t mean it!

MIKE: I do! You’re in trouble too, Jowett! telling him who we are!

JOWETT: Yeah you know who the band are don’t ya Dom?

KING-DOM: Yeah you’re defiantly *********


MIKE: Unbelievable

JOWETT: It’s okay he’s a fan! He’s not going to say anything, are ya, Dom?

KING-DOM: Nah i wouldn’t say anything! I am a fan! OH! Can I remix you?


KING-DOM: Oh come on, please! Do you know what it would do to my career?

MIKE: Do you know what it would do to mine?


JOWETT: (Laughing) Okay, we are gonna have to go, Dom. Bye

KING-DOM: Okay, bye!

JOWETT: King-Dom there! What a nice lad! Okay then let’s move on

RYAN: What just happened?

MIKE: He could end up being a psychopath you know! Track us down and stalk us!

JOWETT: Why would he stalk you!

MIKE: I don’t know! He could be mental! He could follow me home one night and stab me!


JOWETT: I don’t think so,  Mike

MIKE: Well that’s what happened to that rapper, DJ Ironic! He was stabbed!

JOWETT: Was he?

MIKE: Yeah! he survived it like. I read an interview with him after he recovered. He reckoned it was because the person who stabbed him was after his jewelry. It wasn’t, I just wanted to stab him


JOWETT: (Laughing) Ooookay then. That was obviously a joke by Mike, before any lawyers come a calling. Right then! (Pause) You alright Joel? You were very quiet through that

JOEL: Yeah i’m sound

JOWETT: Good. Right I have a news story here. “Ewok and Harry Potter Goblin Actor touched himself in front of teen girl”


MIKE: Go on

JOWETT: “Actor Nicholas Read, who played an Ewok in Star Wars and a goblin in Harry Potter, touched himself on a train in front of a teenage girl, a court has heard”


JOWETT: “Read undid his trousers and placed his hand underneath a juggler’s hat on his crotch – in full view of a 17-year-old – last October, it was alleged. The actor, from Cheadle in Stoke-on-Trent was travelling north from London after judging a croquet competition when the incident is said to have occurred, Leicester crown court was told” (Laughs) Juggler hat! There are too many jokes, we will resist them because we are better than that!

RYAN: Yep!

JOWETT: “The court heard that he had drunk half a bottle of gin, provided by the competition’s sponsors, after the event”

MIKE: Honestly? Is this true?


MIKE: A drunk dwarf was flashing kids from under a juggling hat?


MIKE: Mental. It could have been worse I suppose. I imagine if he was dressed as a goblin at the time. You would lose you’re fu*kin mind!

JOWETT: Nicholas read told the court he was “a born entertainer”


JOWETT: That sounds like his defense “Come oonnnnnnnn, I’m a born entertainer!”


JOWETT: We have a picture of him here actually

MIKE: Let’s have a look


MIKE: (Laughing) Well. Clearly, fame has gone to his head




JOWETT: I’m sorry about that, readers. The story goes on “Read said: ‘I’ve worked in entertainment since I was 12, mostly costume work for films, television, theatre and pantomime.’


JOWETT: It really is hard not to laugh at this. I feel bad, but, when he said “I’ve worked in entertainment since I was 12!” the jury must have all looked at each other and he went “Well…..mostly costume work” Obviously, like he realised people probably wouldn’t recognise him from anything unless he was covered in fur


JOWETT: I must point out that he denies all charges and it’s on going. Right we better rap this up! Say goodbye lads!



JOWETT: Goodbye!


Sorry to King-Dom for the abuse and sorry to anyone that was offended. Keep spreading the word! Untill next time!







  1. Franco says:

    That was great!

    “I just wanted to stab him” – Hilarious

  2. the master says:

    Fair play to King-Dom. He had to know he was in for verbal kicking, so stalker or not, he’s got balls.

    As a sidenote, what are the odds that George Lucas has that particular Ewok digitally removed?

  3. Reading this story made me smile and laugh. What a great read you have on this blog. Thanks for sharing.

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