Fight club tales

Get On the Band Wagon!

Back again. Joel is with us again to contribute to the post. Enjoy

JOWETT: Hello!

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Hello

JOWETT: Joel is also with us. Say hello Joel

JOEL: Hello

JOWETT: So here we are. Still alive after the rapture

RYAN: Yep

MIKE: obviously

JOWETT: Well you say that, Mike, but some people put their houses up for sale, sold their pets. All because they believed that it was going to be the end of the world at last weekend

RYAN: What? people actually sold their houses and pets?

JOWETT: Yeah

MIKE: What was the point?

JOWETT: Well because they believed they were going to heaven and therefore didn’t need a house and wanted to make sure someone was going to take care of their dog

RYAN: That must be the height of arrogance, when someone comes rocking up at you’re doorstep and goes “Excuse me. I’m going to heaven on Saturday and I’m pretty sure you won’t be, so will you look after my dog?”

Laughter

JOWETT: Yeah that’s a good point. Just to make it clear, we are not attacking anyone’s religious beliefs

RYAN: No

MIKE: It is ridiculous though

JOWETT: Right let’s move on. What have you been up to?

RYAN: Joel went to visit a mate in prison

JOWETT: (Laughs) Sorry I don’t know why I laughed. Did you really?

JOEL: Err yeah

JOWETT: Why did you pause

JOEL: I didn’t know this was going to be brought up

JOWETT: It’s okay mate, we are friends here, we won’t judge you. Can you say what you’re mate did?

JOEL: Probably best if i don’t say

JOWETT: Fair enough. What’s it like?

JOEL: Grim

JOWETT: Mmm I can imagine. Did Ryan or Mike not offer to go with you?

JOEL: Nah they don’t know him

JOWETT: Fair enough. I bet they visit other people in prison

MIKE: (Tuts) I don’t!

JOWETT: Judging from you’re song lyrics that’s where your influences come from

Laughter

JOWETT: (Laughs) For the purpose of the tape, Mike is sticking his middle finger up at me. Joel, I hear you are giving up the womanizing?

JOEL: (Laughs) For a bit, yeah. I’m concentrating on the music

JOWETT: Right. Haven’t the band had a new assistant

RYAN: Yeah

JOWETT: I saw her earlier. She’s nice

MIKE: So?

JOWETT: So, won’t that be distracting for Joel

RYAN: Nah we are going to keep an eye on him

JOWETT: I see. Who did she use to work for?

RYAN: Ermm Russell Brand I think

JOWETT: Oh right. She’s prepared then

Laughter from all over the room

JOEL: Oi!

RYAN: (Laughing) Yeah that’s not fair

JOWETT: Yeah well we will see how long she lasts wont we

MIKE: Get on with it

JOWETT: Okay let’s get some decent conversation going. I have things to ask you. I have written them down somewhere

MIKE: You could have got these things ready!

JOWETT: Got it. Here we are. Being famous, do you come across people trying to start trouble for the sake of it?

RYAN: What do you mean? Do we get a hard time when we are out and about?

JOWETT: Yeah

RYAN: Sometimes we do. I remember on one occasion some lads came up to Joel when we were in a club and they tried to wind him up. It got a bit heated and a fight broke out. At the time, we had quite a bit entourage, or what ever you want to call it, with us so we were fighting these lads off and then the bouncers inside the club got involved and told us we had to leave, but we weren’t having any of that.

MIKE: Nah, it wasn’t our fault, so we just kept going and in the heat of the moment we didn’t know who were bouncers and who were the cu**s that started it. So by the end of it we had cleared most of the dance floor

RYAN: More security came in from the surrounding clubs but our body guards at the time just kept knocking them down one by one. It was spectacular really

MIKE: I remember when the smoke had cleared people were shouting “Just get out! Get out!” And Joel was stood victorious on top of a pile of bouncers and innocent bystanders shouting “We are going nowhere!”

Laughter

JOWETT: Fu** me! What happened after that?

MIKE: We left, thought it was probably best

Laughter

JOWETT: What a mess

JOEL: We tried to go in to a MacDonald’s afterwards but they wouldn’t let us

JOWETT: What?

JOEL: We wanted some food afterwards, so we decided to go into a MacDonald’s but they wouldn’t let us in

RYAN: Joel, tell Jowett you’re theory about Ronald MacDonald

JOWETT: Go on

JOEL: Oh I think that ‘Ronald MacDonald’ and the ‘Joker’ from Batman were brothers. They both went after the same job at MacDonald’s, Ronald won the job and the joker went a bit mental and twisted. And ended up like that

JOWETT: (Pause) Right. You’re quite the philosopher aren’t you Joel?

JOEL: A bit

JOWETT: Tell me. Did you suffer any damage as a younger bloke?

JOEL: Ermm when I was 18 an old woman in a Mini Cooper drove in to the back of my van and I broke my arms and I had to wear a neck brace for months

JOWETT: (Confused) What? An old woman in a Mini Cooper drove in to the back of you’re van and did all that damage to you?

JOEL: Oh no. I got out the van to shout at  her and got hit by a Mercedes

Laughter

JOWETT: I think that should do it for this installment. Until next time! Goodbye!

Thank you for reading. If you haven’t subscribed already then do so or leave a comment with a question for the band. And join the Facebook group!