The Hangover and child beating ghosts

Posted: May 19, 2011 in Band Conversations
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Get On the Band Wagon!

Back again with a new post. This conversation came from earlier today. You know the score by now. Here it is

JOWETT: Hello

RYAN: Hello

MIKE: Alright

JOWETT: So you’re both drunk aren’t ya?

RYAN: We aren’t drunk. We are hungover

JOWETT: I can’t believe you have come to do this interview, hungover. What a mess you two are

RYAN: (Angry) We don’t have to do this! It’s for your benefit!

JOWETT: I know i know! and I’m grateful!

MIKE: In most of these interviews I have been hungover

JOWETT: I suppose being hungover isn’t as bad as if you were drunk. Then you would just come out with stuff that would be dangerous

RYAN: Yeah, never let that happen

MIKE: I could come out with stuff hungover!

JOWETT; You already have! we are still deleting the backlog of emails kicking off about your terrorist sitcom!

MIKE: I have a story about a lad that was hungover, that Alex told me

JOWETT: Go on

RYAN: Sorry who’s Alex?

MIKE: Turner. From the Arctic Monkeys

RYAN: NAME DROPPER!

JOWETT: NAME DROPPER!

MIKE: Fine then

JOWETT: No go on. As long as it isn’t mad

MIKE: Right well, it was a friend of his who went out on Christmas eve once. This lad got hammered and, you know when you’re hungover and, like, your thoughts and your mouth aren’t connected properly? Well, he was eating his Christmas dinner and his nan was wittering on as your nan does, and he thought to himself,’Oh shut up nan you cunt’. Then he looked up and everyone was looking at him and his dad went, ‘ I think you’d better take your dinner upstairs and eat in your room’

Laughter from all over the room

JOWETT: (Still laughing) really? that is brilliant!

MIKE: I know

RYAN: I sorta have a story about a hangover

JOWETT: Go on

RYAN: Well i have a mate in Spanish.. i mean spain

Laughter

JOWETT: Well can we get him in English for the purpose of the story

RYAN: Fu** off

JOWETT & MIKE: Oooooooh!

JOWETT: Must be a bad hangover. You going to tell us then?

RYAN: Nah, i remembered it wasn’t that good. Cut this part

JOWETT: No mate. The bit you cocked up in was funny. ITS STAYING IN! Right!

RYAN: OH! I DO! I do have a story about someone with a hangover! (Laughs looking at Mike)

Mike stares back confused for a moment

MIKE: Oh here we go

Ryan laughs

JOWETT: What?

RYAN: Once, we had been drinking all day in a pub. It got to about 10 o clock so we decided to move on to somewhere else. Mike had his van with him and was determined to drive us across London to this club. We didn’t think it was a good idea but in the end decided we couldn’t be bothered to walk or get the tube, so we let him drive. Because he was drunk his driving was all over the place so he decides to stop in the middle of one of the main roads. There were cars beeping their horns at him and everything. We were all going “Mike you can’t stop here, you’re causing traffic”. Mike just sits there and doesn’t say anything

MIKE: I was trying to think

RYAN: Shut up. Eventually this fiasco attracts the attention of a passing police car that pulls up a bit further up the road. As the policeman was walking towards the van, Mike goes “Right. Nobody say a word! I will do the talking!”. Everyone was really drunk so we foolishly let him. The policeman reaches Mike’s window and says “What seems to be the problem?” and Mike goes “the flattery’s bat”

Laughter from all over the room

RYAN: What an idiot

MIKE: I don’t know how we got away with that

RYAN: Or me

JOWETT: Right shut up now. I need to get this news story in before you are summoned to rehearsals. Here is the headline ‘VIOLENT GHOST BLAMED FOR BEATING BOY’

RYAN: What!?

JOWETT: “A two-year-old boy who suffered near-fatal injuries that left him in desperate need of a blood transfusion was beaten up by a violent ghost, according to his mother Erica Mendoza and her boyfriend Ivan Martinez”

MIKE: Where do you get these stories from?

JOWETT: “The pair told police a ‘evil spirit’ caused injuries to the boy and gave him multiple bruises on his body. The toddler was rushed to hospital where he was treated for kidney failure”

MIKE: That is the best excuse they could come up with? Not he fell down the stairs or something. That’s what I would have said

JOWETT: Well that’s why you will never be allowed to have children. Do you think he briefed the kid after he beat him up, in case people asked questions? “when people ask who did this to you, what do you say?” …”Casper”.. “Good boy!”

RYAN: It is ridiculous. Was the mother beating him up too or was this all the boyfriend’s doing?

JOWETT: Erm oh it says “Mendoza, the mother, said she had noticed bruises on her son’s body before but did not get him any medical treatment” So i guess she didn’t know. (Pause then laughs) it says here “Mendoza and Martinez, both 21, were adamant that an evil spirit hurt the child, even though they both failed a lie detector test. Martinez later claimed that the boy’s bruises came from ‘rough play’ with his four-year-old brother. Martinez was later arrested and confessed to police that he had punched the boy repeatedly as punishment for throwing his breakfast on the floor”

Laughter

JOWETT: We shouldn’t really laugh at that but it is funny. His excuses were getting better until he admitted it. It sounds like he paniked and blurted out what ever he could think of “It was a ghost err his brother….ah fu** it, it was me”

Laughter


JOWETT: Right that’s enough for today. Until next time!

RYAN: Bye

We are now on Blogger as well as Facebook so take a look. Keep emailing in with questions at imonthebandwagon@hotmail.co.uk or leave a question in the comments. Cheers!

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Comments
  1. Your blog slays me. Completely random, written the style of a script and I crack up every time. Hadn’t seen the ghost-beating-child story yet.
    What killed me was being totally smashed, while holding up traffic, mumbling to the police officer when caught… and getting away scot free.
    Nice.

    • cheers! I know it is a bit random but we only get a short amount of time to talk so we just go with it. Great stories though aren’t they, most of the recording was laughter!

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